This is Liam's second Christmas. I had it in my head that I'd like to try and get a picture of him with Santa every year until he refuses out of fear or pre-teen embarrassment. So it was with this goal in mind that we headed to the mall yesterday evening to make a memory.
Now I know what brand of crazy I am to be braving the mall only 5 days before Christmas. All the same I rationalized, we've got no where to be tonight, so we'll just take our time, get a bite to eat and roll with the punches. Little did I know how very foreshadowing that thought was.
So Chris, Liam and I get to the mall about 4:30. We park three quarters of a mile away in the only open spot in the whole lot and proceed to trek in. We make our way to the "North pole" and find that the line isn't long at all. I'm thinking: this is a Christmas miracle! There are, maybe, 5 groups ahead of us in line and I've estimated a 20 minute wait in line. With both Chris and I here, that is do-able. One of us waits in line while other chases after Liam as he runs through the mall dodging and weaving through the masses. Its fun. really.
So after we snake through the empty roped off maze we take our place in line. Someone raising their voice immediately grabs our attention. Its the woman second in line, she is angry. The elf in charge of ushering children in to see Santa has just spoken to the group of people waiting at the head of the line. I couldn't hear what she said but whatever it was, it made the woman in line IRATE. She begins yelling at the elf in a thick accent I cant quite place "I have two children who have been waiting already for 20 minutes!" the elf nods her head knowingly and just points to the cardboard sign she is holding. I try to get a glimpse of it but there are too many people ahead of me blocking my view. As the woman's protests get louder families start ducking out of line. I'm totally oblivious and think, keep on yelling lady, you're scaring everyone ahead of us away! I've moved up considerably in line and can now see Santa sitting in his big throne of a chair surrounded by beautiful poinsettias both large and small. In my head I think: those are poisonous, but not enough to kill you. To the left of the throne is a tall green Christmas tree with twinkling lights and a shiny gold star. Scattered around the foot of the tree are decorative boxes wrapped in glittery paper and big colorful bows. Its really quite pretty and not make-shift at all. Santa's got a little boy on his lap and is trying desperately to ignore the commotion that's happening just a few short feet away from him. But he cant focus on the kid, not when there's a crazy lady flapping her arms and pointing in the usher elf's face. Santa's eyes keep wandering in our direction. He cant help it. As the camera elf attempts to get keepsake picture of this kid with Santa a security guard approaches. He's older than your typical mall guard, I always think of kids in their early twenties but this one is maybe 50. The uniform is ridiculous though. He's got a badge pinned to his shirt, a utility belt with only a flashlight, walkie-talkie and a log book. And the Pièce de résistance: a stetson hat. I'm ALWAYS reminded of a Canadian Mountie. Sans horse and dignity. It just looks silly in a mall. He asks what the problem is and before usher elf can open her mouth the lady begins her rant again. "WE HAVE BEEN WAITING IN LINE FOR MORE THAN 20 MINUTES AND JUST NOW SHE INFORMS US THAT SANTA IS GOING ON BREAK, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" The stupid security guard totally misses her point and replies: "20 minutes is not a long time to wait to see Santa." This only pisses the lady off more. "20 MINUTES IS A LONG TIME TO WAIT FOR TWO YOUNG CHILDREN, BUT WHAT IS INFURIATING IS THAT THEY ALLOWED US TO WAIT IN LINE ALL THIS TIME WITHOUT INFORMING US THAT THEY WERE NOT TAKING ANY MORE VISITORS UNTIL 6 PM.
Wait, what?
I look at the clock, its just about 5. That means if we want to keep our place at the front of the line we'd have to stand here for an hour and wait. No friggen way.
Suddenly, with all the information put into perspective I get it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't have made a scene, but if I had been waiting for 20 minutes before they told me I'd have to wait another hour, I too would have been frustrated. Chris and I left the scene at the north pole before seeing how it wrapped up but I'd bet a fair amount that that women got her kids in to see Santa before he went and got himself a number 3 combo at china express. But at what cost? When she looks at her keepsake photo from Christmas 2010 what will she remember?
We wont have a 2010 picture of Liam with Santa but when I think back, my memory will be that instead of waiting in line to see Santa we ran through the mall and played in the play place.
Well, that and the grown woman who threw a temper tantrum in line waiting to see Santa.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Favorite things
Because I've always wanted to, this year I decided all of the gifts I give will be wrapped in brown paper and tied up with strings, among other decorative things!And they turned out so pretty and festive I couldn't resist sharing my ideas here...
Felt ribbon with some small sleigh bells I picked up at a craft store.
I saved blown Christmas lights in my junk drawer for years, thinking they would be pretty to decorate with, but never really knew what to do with them until this year. Love this!
Again with the felt ribbon, and some festive evergreen, berries and a pine cone from our yard. I secured everything together using a garbage bag tie then covered it with another snip of red ribbon to hide the tie.
Another pretty jingle bell with curling ribbon.
And a last minute addition! I wonder what it could be...
...just a little peek.Ok, so in my defense, It came yesterday by mail. I was home. It says what it is right on the outside of the box! (smooth, amazon.) So when Chris gets home he pretends he doesn't know what it could possibly be and I'm all Mhmm, right. So about an hour later he just hands me the package.
YOU CANT DO THIS. EVER. not to me anyway. I'm a spoiled little brat who loves presents and can hardly stand waiting to open them.
Before it even registers, I'm opening it. All the while Chris is giving me this look that's a cross between disgust and utter disbelief. Although I know he's just playing. He's no different than I am. Except that I can hold out on the giving, he cannot.
So I mess around with it a while, download a book or two (so I'll have something on it when I open it FOR REAL at mom and dads) and tada, now its wrapped and pretty.
Do I regret spoiling both the pleasure of plucking it out from under the tree Christmas morning and the surprise of opening it to find the only (material) thing I wished for?
Nope, not one bit. :)
Sunday, November 7, 2010
My two cents
I came across this blog post titled "My son is gay" via facebook. Since its posting it has received millions of web hits and national news coverage. If you've not heard about it you can read it here.
After sharing the link on facebook I received some feedback from friends and family expressing their opinions on the matter. After a few days of thinking about it I've got an opinion of my own.
Here is what I think:
This is a mother whose love for her son is obvious. I think we should all give her a break as she has, apparently, lost her copy of the "how to be a perfect parent" manual and is now winging it.
If I were in her shoes (I very well may be one day given my son's infatuation with Dora and her backpack) and given an identical set of circumstances I don't know that I would do things much differently. I think, certainly, I'd try and sell him on other costume choices but in the end if all he wanted to be for Halloween was Dora or Tinkerbell or whatever I'd allow it.
My brother, after reading her blog post, stated that he would never allow his son to wear that costume and that he believes this mother has made her son a target for ridicule. Perhaps, but ridicule by whom? At the age of five, the boy's pre-K classmates weren't the ones pointing and making faces. It was other mothers. I think this is shameful. Being a mother (parent) is hard enough with out having other people pass judgement on your decisions.
As a relatively new mother I am constantly second guessing myself; worrying over how the decisions I make and the actions I take or fail to take will effect my son. When Liam was a baby we were told that co-sleeping was bad, that if we didn't roll over and crush him in his sleep then the sheer act of sharing a family bed would render him dependant and unable to sleep alone. I made the choice to have Liam sleep in the bed with us because it worked for us. And then at six months, when it stopped working for us, we transitioned him to a crib in his own room.
When we chose to use The Ferber Method of progressive waiting to help Liam to fall asleep on his own I was told it was cruel and neglectful and Liam could grow to be a man with trust issues because I didn't pick him up every time he cried from his crib. Yet in three nights he learned to go to bed and fall asleep on his own without throwing a production complete with tears and hyperventilating. My point is I did what I thought was best for my son. and it worked for us. which is all that counts. I would wager a guess that my nephew, (now a college athlete in love with a beautiful girl) looking back would be glad that his father didn't allow him to wear a Daphne costume for Halloween when he was five. That choice would have been the right one for his son.
I don't know this woman or her son. All I know is that I am in no position to judge her for doing what she believes is best for her son. When he's in college and he brings a date home to meet mom, he'll either be mortified at the prospect of her showing off his 5 year old self in a Daphne costume or he'll be grateful that his mother knew that acceptance breeds self-confidence and even at 5 encouraged him to be himself. With all the media attention bullying has be getting lately I think its important that as role models we take a good long look at how we are treating each other. Our children are watching.
After sharing the link on facebook I received some feedback from friends and family expressing their opinions on the matter. After a few days of thinking about it I've got an opinion of my own.
Here is what I think:
This is a mother whose love for her son is obvious. I think we should all give her a break as she has, apparently, lost her copy of the "how to be a perfect parent" manual and is now winging it.
If I were in her shoes (I very well may be one day given my son's infatuation with Dora and her backpack) and given an identical set of circumstances I don't know that I would do things much differently. I think, certainly, I'd try and sell him on other costume choices but in the end if all he wanted to be for Halloween was Dora or Tinkerbell or whatever I'd allow it.
My brother, after reading her blog post, stated that he would never allow his son to wear that costume and that he believes this mother has made her son a target for ridicule. Perhaps, but ridicule by whom? At the age of five, the boy's pre-K classmates weren't the ones pointing and making faces. It was other mothers. I think this is shameful. Being a mother (parent) is hard enough with out having other people pass judgement on your decisions.
As a relatively new mother I am constantly second guessing myself; worrying over how the decisions I make and the actions I take or fail to take will effect my son. When Liam was a baby we were told that co-sleeping was bad, that if we didn't roll over and crush him in his sleep then the sheer act of sharing a family bed would render him dependant and unable to sleep alone. I made the choice to have Liam sleep in the bed with us because it worked for us. And then at six months, when it stopped working for us, we transitioned him to a crib in his own room.
When we chose to use The Ferber Method of progressive waiting to help Liam to fall asleep on his own I was told it was cruel and neglectful and Liam could grow to be a man with trust issues because I didn't pick him up every time he cried from his crib. Yet in three nights he learned to go to bed and fall asleep on his own without throwing a production complete with tears and hyperventilating. My point is I did what I thought was best for my son. and it worked for us. which is all that counts. I would wager a guess that my nephew, (now a college athlete in love with a beautiful girl) looking back would be glad that his father didn't allow him to wear a Daphne costume for Halloween when he was five. That choice would have been the right one for his son.
I don't know this woman or her son. All I know is that I am in no position to judge her for doing what she believes is best for her son. When he's in college and he brings a date home to meet mom, he'll either be mortified at the prospect of her showing off his 5 year old self in a Daphne costume or he'll be grateful that his mother knew that acceptance breeds self-confidence and even at 5 encouraged him to be himself. With all the media attention bullying has be getting lately I think its important that as role models we take a good long look at how we are treating each other. Our children are watching.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Halloween 2010
As most of you already know Liam has been in an exclusive relationship with Nemo for about a year now. So when my sister-in-law asked me what he would like to be for Halloween there was only one right answer. And being the Halloween Queen she found the cutest most ridiculous Nemo costume on the market and got it for Liam.
Honestly, I didn't think we would ever be able to top the Lobster costume from last year... but we did!
I Hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween. I, for one, am glad its over simply because now that November is here we are officially entering the Christmas holiday season! You can't subdue my joy. Consider yourself warned.
He who is not with Me is against Me. (Luke 11:23)
Honestly, I didn't think we would ever be able to top the Lobster costume from last year... but we did!
Liam took some time warming up to the costume. By which I mean we spent weeks putting it on him only to have him shriek and kick and pull at the shoulders until we took off of him. Then one day we put it on him and to our surprise, he was delighted. And the kicker, once in costume he insisted on being called Nemo. Wouldn't answer to "Liam" no, no. But "Nemo" Yes, mother? You called?
We had a very busy day on Halloween. We spent the afternoon at our friend Noelle's 2nd birthday party which was a blow out party, as far as 2 year old birthdays go. Lots of great food, balloon animals, a bouncy house, craft table, bobbing for apples..
And of course a pinata!
It was decided that hitting Dora and Diego with a bat would be too upsetting for the littler ones, especially Noelle who had a special place in her heart for Diego. So instead they make them with ribbons to pull. Pull the right ribbon and the candy is released.
In theory.
In practice, when you pull the right ribbon it decapitates Dora. The kids didn't really notice because they were too busy frantically looking for the candy that was still safely inside Dora's torso. That was now on the lawn. Still connected to the ribbon Liam was holding.
After the party we hit a nearby neighborhood for some trick or treating!
We had some issues coming to an agreement regarding the consumption of candy immediately upon receiving it... 
Finally we worked out an m&m payment plan
I Hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween. I, for one, am glad its over simply because now that November is here we are officially entering the Christmas holiday season! You can't subdue my joy. Consider yourself warned.He who is not with Me is against Me. (Luke 11:23)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Prelude to a tantrum
Much like learning to distinguish between your newborn's cries, learning to 'read' your toddlers non-verbal cues is an essential skill for preventing monster meltdowns. I've learned to pay attention to Liam's expressions, they say it all...
"This sucks, pay attention to me"
"This sucks, get out of my face"
And my personal favorite: "aww mom, you're a bitch!"
"This sucks, pay attention to me"
"This sucks, get out of my face" 
And my personal favorite: "aww mom, you're a bitch!"Saturday, October 2, 2010
I love presents.
This is a Terramundi Pot. Its easily one of the coolest presents I have ever received (another being this baby shower gift). The idea behind it goes beyond just your traditional piggy bank. Once the first coin is dropped the money pot must be fed until full upon which time it must be smashed whilst making a wish. Then you spend the money on 'good things' which brings good fortune.
My closest friend, Tracy, gave this to me on my 32nd birthday and finally its full (It took me so long to fill it because staying at home with your son doesn't pay in legal U.S. tender).For the past two years every time I added money to the pot I would think about what the coins in this pot would one day buy... A romantic dinner? A new pair of jeans? Diapers? The day I opened this gift, I did not yet know I was pregnant. It would be two more days before this wonderfully frightening information became known. I suppose it was rather serendipitous that my birthday dinner consisted of bottles of wine and piles of sushi.
Totally full the pot holds up to 500 bucks in quarters and dimes! And best of all, at least for me, Miss impatient and impulsive, you can't cheat and pull the quarters out for a paper or laundry (or a 24 ounce bud light). Its a wonderful gift for little and big kids, alike!
Mine held just shy of two hundred dollars in quarters nickels and dimes.
And what did I spend the money on? A mini family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge Waterpark!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Double trouble.
I'm the kind of mom that doesn't really care if her kid drinks juice on the couch or runs around sans diaper and wees accidentally on the floor. I didn't always take this approach to parenting but once Liam became mobile I found it exhausting (not to mention annoying) to try and micro-mother him. When little accidents happen I just clean it up. The 15 minutes of peace I get from not chasing him around nagging is totally worth the 15 minutes it will take to clean the pee out of the rug.
Its All About Balance.
So naturally when I presented Liam with crayons and a coloring book at the kitchen table I didn't pay any mind when he climbed off the chair and toddled off crayons in tow.
So naturally when I presented Liam with crayons and a coloring book at the kitchen table I didn't pay any mind when he climbed off the chair and toddled off crayons in tow.
On this particular day Chris was outside mowing the lawn. I was in the kitchen making a batch of mac & cheese cupcakes.
It should be noted that when I am cooking I spend a good amount of time shooing Liam out from under my feet so when he's quietly playing in the other room-well, I don't go looking for trouble.
The next thing I know Chris is standing at the fridge looking at me in disbelief as he asks: " Do you know what your son is doing?" Quickly noting that he is not at the table I reply "Judging from the look on your face I assume he is drawing on something you disapprove of."
I was not wrong. I can say, for the record, that crayola washables are, indeed, washable.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Toxins among us...
Ok, I'll tell you right now, you're going to think I've gone off the deep end; that I'm paranoid because I lost one sister to cancer while the other continues to fight her own battle with it. And I wont disagree with you, maybe I am paranoid. But I'll tell you what, if that's the cost to keep my sister, myself and our families healthy, then let me reach for my wallet. I NEVER expected the implications to be so far reaching. It started out innocent enough, an overhaul of the kitchen to "clean" up what we are putting into our bodies. We joined a CSA to ensure our fruits and veggies would be organic and local-in season, gave up on factory farmed meats and tossed out* anything with High fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners and loads of preservatives... and man, did we have a lot: ketchup, maple syrup, BBQ sauce, salad dressings, canned goods like Chef Boyardee and Campbell's tomato soup, the list went on and on! I had a grocery bag full of opened items and one half full of non perishables. And we've been feeling really great about the movement in our home. But then, oh but then I read an article about a small study in the UK that found parabens in breast cancer tissue in 18 out of 20 tumors. I thought what are parabens? so I look it up: Parabens are a class of chemicals widely used as preservatives in the cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries. So of course I drop everything and dash to the bathroom, gather my lotions, line them up on the counter and quickly scan the list of ingredients. Methylparaben. Then I grab the sunscreen, toothpaste and diaper cream: ethylparaben, butylparaben, propylparaben, isopropyl and isobutylparaben, parahydroxybenzoate. I noticed other ingredients showing up in many of our everyday products as well: Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and Propylene glycol. These two are popular in shampoos, shaving creams and toothpastes. It was precisely that moment that I decided to research the safety of the ingredients in the products we slather on our skin and let absorb into our bodies. This of course ends with me sitting on the bathroom floor with with piles of beauty products and a garbage bag.
What I have found so far is that companies use these chemicals in their products because they are an effective, cheap means to an end. The FDA claims they are safe (although, after working in a tox-path lab I've come to learn what a flawed and potentially corrupt system that is). And truth be told none of these chemicals on their own are considered carcinogens. But, BIG BUT here: what happens when they are combined with other chemicals? The average adult is exposed to 126 different chemicals daily, couple that with the widespread exposure through different personal care products and whats the risk now? Unfortunately the research hasn't been conducted to state conclusively that such combined, prolonged chemical use is safe.
So until there is, I'll err on the side of caution.
What I have found so far is that companies use these chemicals in their products because they are an effective, cheap means to an end. The FDA claims they are safe (although, after working in a tox-path lab I've come to learn what a flawed and potentially corrupt system that is). And truth be told none of these chemicals on their own are considered carcinogens. But, BIG BUT here: what happens when they are combined with other chemicals? The average adult is exposed to 126 different chemicals daily, couple that with the widespread exposure through different personal care products and whats the risk now? Unfortunately the research hasn't been conducted to state conclusively that such combined, prolonged chemical use is safe.
So until there is, I'll err on the side of caution.
To minimize my risk, I'm pitching the products that are considered "leave on." Products that through their application give the chemicals ample time absorb into the bloodstream and replacing them with paraben, SLS and sulfate free organic products. Its a work in progress by priority because the good stuff isn't cheap.
What am I going to do with it all? I don't know yet. I can't, in good conscience, give it away or donate it. Although I'm sure most, those of you who think I'm being paranoid, would totally take a free bottle of of cucumber-melon lotion.
I suppose I will just end up dumping the product and recycling the bottle.
I'm open to better suggestions!
*I do plan to donate the non-perishables.
Resources:
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Mired in Stalemate.
Liam, now 19 months, is displaying all the endearing qualities of a caged hyena. When he gets frustrated (which is all the time!)he totally loses it. He'll bang his head on the wall or floor, shout, cry, kick his feet... you get the idea. I'd like to be able to say I have no idea where he gets it from. But that would be a lie. I'll admit he gets his temper from me. My fuse is so short you'll likely lose your hand just lighting it.
As penance I spend my waking hours simultaneously feigning a grin and taking deep breaths. See, Liam will not sit in grocery cart for more than 30 seconds, and the belt is useless, he can slip right out of it. Same thing with those nasty wooden high chairs all restaurants have. I have a sneaking suspicion that the brains behind that design were from a childless twenty-something male. Had a woman been assigned to that project the end result would be stylish and self-cleaning with a straight jacket style restraint to ensure your lovable little Houdini stays put until your finished eating your meal. Fine dining establishments might sport the "The Luxury Edition" A highchair fully enclosed in sound proof Plexiglass so that you aren't riddled with guilt over ruining every other diners experience.
I really miss dining out.
Anyway...
Here are a few fun things that happened today.
I had to pick up a few things at the market so I put Liam in the cart and gave him a dumb dumb lollipop. But Liam doesn't just lick the lollipop, he makes love to it. He wont just keep in in his mouth he's got to take it out every few seconds and handle it. He sticks in on his arm, neck, cheek and then he takes it one step too far and puts it in his hair. It gets stuck. We are in the store, I'm trying to pick out a proper pineapple and Liam has a lollipop stuck to his head. Whats worse is that this totally pisses him off. So he pitches the mother of all fits because he was really enjoying that lollipop and now... not so much.
I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, Liam was playing with the farm magnets on the fridge and making cow sounds over and over. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was already 8:00 pm, so I casually said "wow Liam, its already bedtime." Without missing a beat he put the magnets back on the fridge and headed for the stairs saying "nigh-nigh." This is the first time he had said "nite-nite" to me and I was overjoyed! Not only because he's using a new word but because he listened to what I said and responded. Amazing.
That, right there, makes all the other struggles, SO worth it.
As penance I spend my waking hours simultaneously feigning a grin and taking deep breaths. See, Liam will not sit in grocery cart for more than 30 seconds, and the belt is useless, he can slip right out of it. Same thing with those nasty wooden high chairs all restaurants have. I have a sneaking suspicion that the brains behind that design were from a childless twenty-something male. Had a woman been assigned to that project the end result would be stylish and self-cleaning with a straight jacket style restraint to ensure your lovable little Houdini stays put until your finished eating your meal. Fine dining establishments might sport the "The Luxury Edition" A highchair fully enclosed in sound proof Plexiglass so that you aren't riddled with guilt over ruining every other diners experience.
I really miss dining out.
Anyway...
Here are a few fun things that happened today.
I'm watching a re-run of Greys on lifetime. Its the episode where Denny dies. I cant believe I'm watching it again because it was heart wrenching the first time. So we are at the part where the interns rush to Denny's room to find Izzy laying in the hospital bed with him. She's calm until her friends tell her they need to move him to the morgue, then she breaks down. And I'm sobbing right along with her. I'm sitting there folding the laundry crying at the TV when I hear a slight chuckle. I look over to see Liam staring squarely at me, laughing. HE IS LAUGHING AT ME! No lie.
I gave Liam a water bottle about a quarter full of water. He's at that phase where he wants to be a big boy and drink out of the same containers we do, without help. So I let him, you know, every once in a while. Its what a good mother does right? I'm supporting his independence. So he's traipsing around the dining room holding that water bottle practically parallel to the ground but so what. Its only water. Then I hear: splat, splash, trickle, drip. I look over and he's dumping the water onto the power supply cord to my laptop. I race over yelling, NO, LIAM, NO. CRAP! I take the bottle from him, and shoo him into the other room. He's looking back at me as he toddles off. As I attempt to unplug the cord sitting in a puddle of water I assume he's out of earshot and I drop an F bomb under my breath. No sooner does that word leave my lips and Liam is right next to me, shaking his hands in front of him in mock frustration. And then he says it, just as I did. Somewhere between a groan and a whisper: "Faaah." Nice mommy, nice.
I had to pick up a few things at the market so I put Liam in the cart and gave him a dumb dumb lollipop. But Liam doesn't just lick the lollipop, he makes love to it. He wont just keep in in his mouth he's got to take it out every few seconds and handle it. He sticks in on his arm, neck, cheek and then he takes it one step too far and puts it in his hair. It gets stuck. We are in the store, I'm trying to pick out a proper pineapple and Liam has a lollipop stuck to his head. Whats worse is that this totally pisses him off. So he pitches the mother of all fits because he was really enjoying that lollipop and now... not so much.
I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, Liam was playing with the farm magnets on the fridge and making cow sounds over and over. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was already 8:00 pm, so I casually said "wow Liam, its already bedtime." Without missing a beat he put the magnets back on the fridge and headed for the stairs saying "nigh-nigh." This is the first time he had said "nite-nite" to me and I was overjoyed! Not only because he's using a new word but because he listened to what I said and responded. Amazing.
That, right there, makes all the other struggles, SO worth it.
Friday, August 6, 2010
5 things I learned on my Summer Vacation
1. The weeks leading up to your vacation will move at a snails pace while your vacation days will go whizzing by you so fast your skirt will fly up.
2. I don't hate the south. I just really love the north. More specifically: the mountains in autumn, snow in the winter, being able to spend most of the day outdoors in the summer. For all of these I will sacrifice spring and endure mud season.
3. My skinny jeans and I are thankful that Freihofers Sourdough bread and chocolate chip cookies ARE NOT available in the south. Man did I stuff my face with Freihofers on vacation.
4. I really don't enjoy traveling by car as much as I thought I did. We spent 5 of the the ten vacation days in the car for 5 hours or more. It just feels like a waste of time especially with a bored to screaming with tears toddler in the backseat. From now on I'm flying. Chris and Liam can meet me there.
5. Being with family is salubrious. I NEED these people in my day to day life.
2. I don't hate the south. I just really love the north. More specifically: the mountains in autumn, snow in the winter, being able to spend most of the day outdoors in the summer. For all of these I will sacrifice spring and endure mud season.
3. My skinny jeans and I are thankful that Freihofers Sourdough bread and chocolate chip cookies ARE NOT available in the south. Man did I stuff my face with Freihofers on vacation.
4. I really don't enjoy traveling by car as much as I thought I did. We spent 5 of the the ten vacation days in the car for 5 hours or more. It just feels like a waste of time especially with a bored to screaming with tears toddler in the backseat. From now on I'm flying. Chris and Liam can meet me there.
5. Being with family is salubrious. I NEED these people in my day to day life.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
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Monday, July 19, 2010
Buying the stairway to a new CD
In 1991 when I was a freshman in high school my parents joined the Columbia House Music Club. They had some new membership deal wherein you buy one selection of your choice and then you get to pick out ten more for just a penny each, plus shipping and handling. My parents intended to expand their classical music collection but I had other ideas. I was tired of having to record my favorite songs off of the radio. On any given night I'd be sitting in my room writing in my journal or cutting out magazine pictures of Andre Agassi or Joe Montana when I would hear the first few notes of a song like Stairway, or fade to black; I would leap from my bed and run to my dual cassette player to press both the record and play buttons simultaneously. The end result was a mix tape full of my favorite songs, all without the opening bars.
So when my parents agreed (after badgering them, almost to their deaths) to me picking out 3 albums I knew they had to be BIG ONES. Ones that I would both enjoy and win "cool points" for should anyone see me loading them into my sony walkman. the yellow one.
After pouring over the Columbia house music catalog for hours I had finally made my selections: Led Zeppelin Four, The Doors Greatest Hits and Rolling Stones Flashpoint. Add them to my Michael Jackson, Madonna and Fine Young Cannibals cassettes and I had quite an eclectic collection.
Relevant Sidebar: Cindy and I actually arranged to buy eachother the FYC tape for Christmas the year before. We both wrapped and put pretty bows on it and when the exchange took place in my kitchen we squealed and hugged each other with an excitement only two silly girls can have on such an occasion. I loved her like the best part of myself. And deep down, though we are on separate coasts and separated by a distance time often delivers, I still do.
Through the years my collection grew and grew and over time with the introduction of the CD, cassettes became obsolete. So then it was barely noticed when one was broken or lost in a move. However, one of the original three managed to stick with me, until today.
Today I say goodbye to my Led Zeppelin Four cassette. The last of its kind. Although the hour of entertainment that old thing gave my boy made it so much less bitter than sweet.
So when my parents agreed (after badgering them, almost to their deaths) to me picking out 3 albums I knew they had to be BIG ONES. Ones that I would both enjoy and win "cool points" for should anyone see me loading them into my sony walkman. the yellow one.
After pouring over the Columbia house music catalog for hours I had finally made my selections: Led Zeppelin Four, The Doors Greatest Hits and Rolling Stones Flashpoint. Add them to my Michael Jackson, Madonna and Fine Young Cannibals cassettes and I had quite an eclectic collection.
Relevant Sidebar: Cindy and I actually arranged to buy eachother the FYC tape for Christmas the year before. We both wrapped and put pretty bows on it and when the exchange took place in my kitchen we squealed and hugged each other with an excitement only two silly girls can have on such an occasion. I loved her like the best part of myself. And deep down, though we are on separate coasts and separated by a distance time often delivers, I still do.
Through the years my collection grew and grew and over time with the introduction of the CD, cassettes became obsolete. So then it was barely noticed when one was broken or lost in a move. However, one of the original three managed to stick with me, until today.
Today I say goodbye to my Led Zeppelin Four cassette. The last of its kind. Although the hour of entertainment that old thing gave my boy made it so much less bitter than sweet.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
So shines a good deed in a weary world..
This never happens. But sometimes it does.
Tuesday night at Tupelo's is Wine Night. 50% off all bottles of wine. Its a hell of a deal and people pile in through the doors every Tuesday. Last night was no exception. We had a slow start but once we filled up, we stayed that way until the sky opened up and unleashed a huge thunderstorm that caused flash flooding all over our little town. In a matter of minutes Churton Street became a class 4 rapid river. I wished for a raft.
My story begins 40 minutes or so after closing. The restaurant was mostly empty except for a few table campers, folks whom had long since paid their bill and were now just enjoying each others company and conversation. Those of us employed there were buzzing around like bees to a hive, each one knowing exactly our chore. The bartender was stocking the bar, servers were rolling silverware for the following days lunch service and cleaning up the wait station. The kitchen staff had their arms elbow deep in soapy buckets scrubbing chrome and tile while the dishwasher was barricaded in his station by a mound of silverware, stacks of glass racks and dishes. I was wiping down tables and preparing to put the chairs up in the main dining room when I heard a knock on our glass front door. I walked over, curious, and opened the doors to see two women standing before me.
"Can you take two more, Please?" One of the women asked.
"Oh Ladies, I'm sorry, are you here for dinner?"
They both nod at me.
"I'm afraid the kitchen is closed, the grills are off and I'm pretty sure most of the food has been wrapped and put away. But let me run and double check with my manager, please come in and just wait right here a second."
Let me just take a second to explain what an anomaly this is. Not the people showing up after closing; people try to sneak in to eat after closing all the time, and time after time we have to turn them away. Not because we are hateful or lazy but because we are closed, the food had been put away and the employees are now busily doing the hours of work required to prepare for tomorrow and shut down for the night. If you pop your head in at closing or even 5 minutes after closing you'll likely be offered at least salads or appetizers but 40 minutes after closing its a wonder, a flat out oddity that I even considered letting them in. But I did.
So I run to the back and find my manager, I tell her about the ladies at the door and basically ask if we can serve them desserts and coffee a consolation prize, of sorts. She says of course.
When I return to the front of the house to offer the women dessert and coffee they immediately ask: "Can we have dessert and wine?
I smile and say "Of course, did you know its wine night?"
I seat them at one of my tables in the bar area all the while they are thanking me for letting them in. As it turns out they were on their way home to Virginia when the storm hit and decided to pull off the highway and get a hotel room for the night. They opt for a bottle of Chardonnay and a Creme Brulee. They sip their wine and share their Brulee but one of the ladies is visibly upset. Shes crying, quietly, into her napkin while her friend caresses her arm and softly speaks words of comfort. I didn't mean to but as soon as I saw her tears I began to eavesdrop, nonchalantly. She had just lost her brother or her mother, I missed the first syllable. The funeral had been yesterday. and now she was just supposed to go home and go back to work and go on... living. How was she supposed to do that? She didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how she was going to do that either. But I knew she would.
I stood there at the computer and thought about how sensitive I was in the first weeks after my sister's passing. I was weakened by the thought if the world just going on and on without ever stopping to take note of my heartache. My first shift back to work was the most difficult. I had a customer who had ordered a chicken club sandwich with no bacon onion or bun. What came out of the kitchen was a chicken breast with cheese lettuce and tomato, just what she had ordered. Upon seeing her dinner she let out a heavy sigh and looked at me: "This has cheese on it."
"Yes, ma'am. it does."
"I didn't want cheese, didn't I tell you I didn't want cheese?"
She's obviously annoyed with me. She thinks I'm incompetent. I offer to take her plate back and have the kitchen "fix it" when her husband chimes in telling her to just scrape the cheese off. She's poking the chicken breast with her fork contemplating her options and in my head I'm screaming:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY, ITS A SLICE OF CHEESE! MY SISTER JUST DIED FROM CANCER AND YOUR GIVING ME A HARD TIME ABOUT A FUCKING SLICE OF CHEESE, IF THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY, SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN CHICKEN.
Of course this woman had no idea of what I was going through. I like to think if she did she would have adjusted her attitude in some way. And for all I know this woman could have been dealing with some major hardship herself. Maybe that was why she got all ornery over a slice of cheese. Or maybe she just really hates cheese.
The ladies at my table pay their bill and stand to leave. As I'm thanking them I give the grieving woman and knowing sort of half smile. She says "You have been very kind, thank you for not turning us away." It struck me as as quite a coincidence that this woman and her friend ended up in our town, at our restaurant at my table grieving over the loss of her loved one. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence at all. Maybe it was a reminder to treat others tenderly, because you never know what kind of hand their life just dealt them.
Tuesday night at Tupelo's is Wine Night. 50% off all bottles of wine. Its a hell of a deal and people pile in through the doors every Tuesday. Last night was no exception. We had a slow start but once we filled up, we stayed that way until the sky opened up and unleashed a huge thunderstorm that caused flash flooding all over our little town. In a matter of minutes Churton Street became a class 4 rapid river. I wished for a raft.
My story begins 40 minutes or so after closing. The restaurant was mostly empty except for a few table campers, folks whom had long since paid their bill and were now just enjoying each others company and conversation. Those of us employed there were buzzing around like bees to a hive, each one knowing exactly our chore. The bartender was stocking the bar, servers were rolling silverware for the following days lunch service and cleaning up the wait station. The kitchen staff had their arms elbow deep in soapy buckets scrubbing chrome and tile while the dishwasher was barricaded in his station by a mound of silverware, stacks of glass racks and dishes. I was wiping down tables and preparing to put the chairs up in the main dining room when I heard a knock on our glass front door. I walked over, curious, and opened the doors to see two women standing before me.
"Can you take two more, Please?" One of the women asked.
"Oh Ladies, I'm sorry, are you here for dinner?"
They both nod at me.
"I'm afraid the kitchen is closed, the grills are off and I'm pretty sure most of the food has been wrapped and put away. But let me run and double check with my manager, please come in and just wait right here a second."
Let me just take a second to explain what an anomaly this is. Not the people showing up after closing; people try to sneak in to eat after closing all the time, and time after time we have to turn them away. Not because we are hateful or lazy but because we are closed, the food had been put away and the employees are now busily doing the hours of work required to prepare for tomorrow and shut down for the night. If you pop your head in at closing or even 5 minutes after closing you'll likely be offered at least salads or appetizers but 40 minutes after closing its a wonder, a flat out oddity that I even considered letting them in. But I did.
So I run to the back and find my manager, I tell her about the ladies at the door and basically ask if we can serve them desserts and coffee a consolation prize, of sorts. She says of course.
When I return to the front of the house to offer the women dessert and coffee they immediately ask: "Can we have dessert and wine?
I smile and say "Of course, did you know its wine night?"
I seat them at one of my tables in the bar area all the while they are thanking me for letting them in. As it turns out they were on their way home to Virginia when the storm hit and decided to pull off the highway and get a hotel room for the night. They opt for a bottle of Chardonnay and a Creme Brulee. They sip their wine and share their Brulee but one of the ladies is visibly upset. Shes crying, quietly, into her napkin while her friend caresses her arm and softly speaks words of comfort. I didn't mean to but as soon as I saw her tears I began to eavesdrop, nonchalantly. She had just lost her brother or her mother, I missed the first syllable. The funeral had been yesterday. and now she was just supposed to go home and go back to work and go on... living. How was she supposed to do that? She didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how she was going to do that either. But I knew she would.
I stood there at the computer and thought about how sensitive I was in the first weeks after my sister's passing. I was weakened by the thought if the world just going on and on without ever stopping to take note of my heartache. My first shift back to work was the most difficult. I had a customer who had ordered a chicken club sandwich with no bacon onion or bun. What came out of the kitchen was a chicken breast with cheese lettuce and tomato, just what she had ordered. Upon seeing her dinner she let out a heavy sigh and looked at me: "This has cheese on it."
"Yes, ma'am. it does."
"I didn't want cheese, didn't I tell you I didn't want cheese?"
She's obviously annoyed with me. She thinks I'm incompetent. I offer to take her plate back and have the kitchen "fix it" when her husband chimes in telling her to just scrape the cheese off. She's poking the chicken breast with her fork contemplating her options and in my head I'm screaming:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY, ITS A SLICE OF CHEESE! MY SISTER JUST DIED FROM CANCER AND YOUR GIVING ME A HARD TIME ABOUT A FUCKING SLICE OF CHEESE, IF THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY, SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN CHICKEN.
Of course this woman had no idea of what I was going through. I like to think if she did she would have adjusted her attitude in some way. And for all I know this woman could have been dealing with some major hardship herself. Maybe that was why she got all ornery over a slice of cheese. Or maybe she just really hates cheese.
The ladies at my table pay their bill and stand to leave. As I'm thanking them I give the grieving woman and knowing sort of half smile. She says "You have been very kind, thank you for not turning us away." It struck me as as quite a coincidence that this woman and her friend ended up in our town, at our restaurant at my table grieving over the loss of her loved one. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence at all. Maybe it was a reminder to treat others tenderly, because you never know what kind of hand their life just dealt them.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Going Comando
Nothing much new to report on the home front. I'm closing in on my last few weeks of working a routine schedule until the fall (sad!) and we are gearing up for our summer vacation to NY in two weeks. I'm stock piling travel toys in dreaded preparation for the 16 hour trip. We are breaking it up, theres no two ways about that. First we will spend a few days in Rhinebeck visiting Chris's side of the family and then on up to the Adirondacks to visit with my side. I'm particularly excited to get back to the ADKs because its been something like 8 years since I was last up there. Growing up we used to go several times a year, I can imagine it will feel like a homecoming. Once our car crosses over into familiar territory I'll begin to feel the butterflies of excited anticipation. I love that. I'll get to point out personal landmarks to Chris: "When Cindy and I were 16 we hitchhiked this road home from the bog with boys we had just met. And there is the bar where my sister, Leslie, and I hustled some trash talking Foosball players for a round of beers. Over there, on that corner was Mandy's Moldy Maggot Market, a little penny candy store we used to raid for tootsie pops and Charleston chews that had been sitting on the self since Nixon was in office. And there! There is the campground where our whole family, cousins, aunts, uncles and all set up the Hodge-Mitchell compound and camped every summer I was in high school. And this, this is the lake. The lake where, the last time I was here, I lay on a blanket with my sister, Kimmy, under the stars and watched the Northern Lights."
Liam will be meeting a legion of family members for the first time, his aunt, uncle and cousins in Rhinebeck and then my aunt, cousins and second cousins upstate. Just in time to make a lasting first impression Liam has a new party trick; he's learned how to take his diaper off! The implications of this are manifold. So far we have managed to avoid a fecal disaster, but our days are numbered. 
Thursday, July 8, 2010
5 Things You Need to Know
My first job in the hospitality industry was the summer of '91 At the Topnotch Resort and Spa in my home town. My very best friend and partner in crime (literally), Cindy and I had applied for the position of "buser" and we both got the job. What that manager was thinking when he made that decision, I will never know. All that summer Cindy and I drove to work, dreary eyed and half asleep at something like 5:30 in the morning, when it was still black as night. Most of the details of that job I don't really remember. I do remember that it was busy all the time, that the people who's plates we cleared away wore pressed chinos and polo shirts, loafers with tassels and big sun hats, that I delivered room service to Billy Ray Cyrus when he was in town for the Stowe mountain summer concert series and that he gave me a dollar tip like he was doing me a big favor. Since that job busing tables at Topnotch I've been a server, in both the seediest and the nicest restaurants around, a hostess, a bartender and a manager. I think the only position I haven't held down in a restaurant is behind the line. And I'm not ruling that out for the future. Little did I know that that first job would lead me down a food service path to a job that I truly enjoy. But as with every job there are, exceptions. Things you cant control. And when you're in customer service, that thing is the customer. So this post is for you, customer.
Whether you've never held a job in the industry (although it should be a mandatory requirement for graduating high school) or you're just in your own little world the following is, in my opinion, the top 5 things you need to know about the restaurant business. Read, absorb and adhere. Please.
1. Do not let your child run free through the restaurant. Period. It not only impedes effective service but it is very likely that your child will get hurt. I know that it is nearly impossible for most toddlers to sit in their chairs and color for longer than ten minutes. I know that rather than having him swipe everything within reach off the table and onto the floor all the while shrieking with frustration you thought I'll just let him play under the table for a few minutes. Except he can't play quietly under the table for more than 3 minutes and the next thing you know he's weaving and dashing around the tables like its a super G course. Not okay. In any successful establishment there are people moving quickly with heavy trays of hot food. They are focused on a running list of all the things they need to do in the next 5 minutes and they are most certainly not looking at their feet to see if you have given your child the run of the place. Unless the restaurant you are in has a stuffed rat roaming around or a jungle gym in the middle of the dining room keep your son or daughter properly seated at the table.
2. The host/hostess isn't lying to you. When you walk into a restaurant (without a reservation) and are told there is a 30 minute wait for a table, but you can see empty tables,please know those tables are not available, they are being reserved for people who had the forethought to call ahead and make a reservation. Also, when you walk in the door and put your name on the list and someone walks in after you but gets seated before you, they likely called ahead. Which means when they were in the car on their way down to the restaurant they "called ahead" to put their name on the wait list. So don't jump all over your host(ess) assuming he skipped over you. Instead you might politely ask: "Do you accept call ahead seating? Is that what the couple that was just seated did?" You will be amazed and how well received you'll be. Now, that said, also know everyone makes mistakes and sometimes you will get skipped, especially if there is more than one host working the podium. All it takes is one little line through your name and you've been skipped. To prevent this, if the hostess tells you its a 15 minute wait at 15 minutes check in with them to see where you are on the list. There should only be one or two names ahead of you at this point.
3. Here's a tip for ya: If you cant afford to properly tip your server, you should be ordering your dinner from a counter. Tipping less than 15 percent is not acceptable. Now before you get your panties in a bind I'm not suggesting leaving 20 percent if you've received poor service. If your water glass has been sitting empty all meal or you've been given the wrong entree or you just plain hate your entree and your server doesn't bother to check on you, or if you get attitude from your server, like its obvious they'd rather be doing anything but waiting on you. Fine, leave whatever you deem appropriate, but did you know servers make just a little over 2 dollars an hour? Yes, that's right, two dollars an hour. They depend on your generosity to pay their bills and buy groceries. On a slow night they might not even make minimum wage. Of course on a good night they will more than make up for that slow night, but that all depends on you. So if you can, leave that extra dollar or two, you may not even notice it but it just might make your servers night.
And here's the scoop on automatic gratuity: Most restaurants automatically add gratuity for parties of 6 or more. This is because:
a. Larger parties take up more tables. Your large party might be one of only a few tables your server gets that shift especially if your reservation is at, say, 7:oopm. Your large table will likely not get seated before you and depending on how long you stay, might not get seated after you either.
b.Large parties require more of the servers time. Taking drink, appetizer and dinner orders for 6 or more people can sometimes be annoying. Certain people are ready to order while others are not: "skip me and come back to me last..." Split checks: "I'm on a check with him and her and shes on a check alone but we want to get the wine and she's going to buy the appetizers but the desserts are on that guys bill... etc. You see where I am going? All of this takes time. The time your server spends on you is time she is not spending on her other tables, if she has them.
Related rant: Last week I had a party of 4 people, two couples. They were wonderful; they ordered appetizers for the table, everyone asked questions about our entrees and accepted my recommendations for wine and beer. After opting for after dinner drinks over dessert they ask for the bill. One check; music to my ears. As I drop the bill on the table I hear one of the gentleman say: "I've got the bill, you leave the tip." Shit! shit, shit, shit. The bill was $125. The tip was five, shiny, Sacajawea gold dollar coins. And the thing is, this guy thought he was being generous. He was really excited to give these away. I cant even buy a pack of diapers with that shit. Luckily I had numerous other tables that night so one poor, I mean really poor, tip didn't break my earnings. So, yes, the autograt, its a good thing.
4. If the sign on the door says that we are closed, we are closed. And while it may be hot outside or you might be tired of standing, unfortunately, you cannot come inside and wait until we are "open." Why not? Well, two reasons: first, think of a restaurant as a stage and the employees the players. There are some things that go on behind the curtain that you, the audience wouldn't want to see, simply because it would take a way from the experience you came for. Polishing flatware and glasses, folding linens vacuuming and swatting flies; its all apart of the show's preparation. You may not want to see us at the front door swatting flies but you're happy when your sitting at your table not noticing the lack of flies buzzing about. Second: We don't want you in here, nothing personal. The time before opening is our time to get ready both physically and mentally. We turn the music up loud, we sing, we dance, we talk shit and we prepare to spend the next 5 hours serving you. If you're waiting inside, well, we'd be remiss to not smile and welcome you in, offer you a glass of water or a menu to look at while you wait. All of that is serving you, before we are ready to. So please, just take a walk and come back, it will be worth the wait.
5. We are human. And as such we will make mistakes. We work really hard on NOT making them so that you will have the kind of dining experience that will keep you coming back, but like I said, fallible... So these slip ups, they happen and whether its a small mistake (I brought you sweet tea instead of unsweetened) or a large one (I got distracted and forgot to put your order in), whether its the kitchens fault (your steak came out medium rare rather than medium) or its the diners fault (you didn't fully read the menu description to see that the fish you ordered is served fried) You need to tell us that you are dissatisfied. Speak up because if we don't know you're unhappy, you will likely stay that way. And neither of us want that. So when your server comes back to check on you, tell them you'd prefer to have the steak put back on the grill for a few more minutes. Although it is our job to know when you're just pushing the food around the plate rather than eating it, we do get busy and it can go unnoticed. Once you tell us what you're unhappy with we will do our very best to make up for the mistake. Oh, and please don't wait until you've finished the meal. If you've eaten it, you're paying for it. Of course, you have the final say when you leave that tip on the table. But its hardly fair to short change your server because of your lack of communication.
Whether you've never held a job in the industry (although it should be a mandatory requirement for graduating high school) or you're just in your own little world the following is, in my opinion, the top 5 things you need to know about the restaurant business. Read, absorb and adhere. Please.
1. Do not let your child run free through the restaurant. Period. It not only impedes effective service but it is very likely that your child will get hurt. I know that it is nearly impossible for most toddlers to sit in their chairs and color for longer than ten minutes. I know that rather than having him swipe everything within reach off the table and onto the floor all the while shrieking with frustration you thought I'll just let him play under the table for a few minutes. Except he can't play quietly under the table for more than 3 minutes and the next thing you know he's weaving and dashing around the tables like its a super G course. Not okay. In any successful establishment there are people moving quickly with heavy trays of hot food. They are focused on a running list of all the things they need to do in the next 5 minutes and they are most certainly not looking at their feet to see if you have given your child the run of the place. Unless the restaurant you are in has a stuffed rat roaming around or a jungle gym in the middle of the dining room keep your son or daughter properly seated at the table.
2. The host/hostess isn't lying to you. When you walk into a restaurant (without a reservation) and are told there is a 30 minute wait for a table, but you can see empty tables,please know those tables are not available, they are being reserved for people who had the forethought to call ahead and make a reservation. Also, when you walk in the door and put your name on the list and someone walks in after you but gets seated before you, they likely called ahead. Which means when they were in the car on their way down to the restaurant they "called ahead" to put their name on the wait list. So don't jump all over your host(ess) assuming he skipped over you. Instead you might politely ask: "Do you accept call ahead seating? Is that what the couple that was just seated did?" You will be amazed and how well received you'll be. Now, that said, also know everyone makes mistakes and sometimes you will get skipped, especially if there is more than one host working the podium. All it takes is one little line through your name and you've been skipped. To prevent this, if the hostess tells you its a 15 minute wait at 15 minutes check in with them to see where you are on the list. There should only be one or two names ahead of you at this point.
3. Here's a tip for ya: If you cant afford to properly tip your server, you should be ordering your dinner from a counter. Tipping less than 15 percent is not acceptable. Now before you get your panties in a bind I'm not suggesting leaving 20 percent if you've received poor service. If your water glass has been sitting empty all meal or you've been given the wrong entree or you just plain hate your entree and your server doesn't bother to check on you, or if you get attitude from your server, like its obvious they'd rather be doing anything but waiting on you. Fine, leave whatever you deem appropriate, but did you know servers make just a little over 2 dollars an hour? Yes, that's right, two dollars an hour. They depend on your generosity to pay their bills and buy groceries. On a slow night they might not even make minimum wage. Of course on a good night they will more than make up for that slow night, but that all depends on you. So if you can, leave that extra dollar or two, you may not even notice it but it just might make your servers night.
And here's the scoop on automatic gratuity: Most restaurants automatically add gratuity for parties of 6 or more. This is because:
a. Larger parties take up more tables. Your large party might be one of only a few tables your server gets that shift especially if your reservation is at, say, 7:oopm. Your large table will likely not get seated before you and depending on how long you stay, might not get seated after you either.
b.Large parties require more of the servers time. Taking drink, appetizer and dinner orders for 6 or more people can sometimes be annoying. Certain people are ready to order while others are not: "skip me and come back to me last..." Split checks: "I'm on a check with him and her and shes on a check alone but we want to get the wine and she's going to buy the appetizers but the desserts are on that guys bill... etc. You see where I am going? All of this takes time. The time your server spends on you is time she is not spending on her other tables, if she has them.
Related rant: Last week I had a party of 4 people, two couples. They were wonderful; they ordered appetizers for the table, everyone asked questions about our entrees and accepted my recommendations for wine and beer. After opting for after dinner drinks over dessert they ask for the bill. One check; music to my ears. As I drop the bill on the table I hear one of the gentleman say: "I've got the bill, you leave the tip." Shit! shit, shit, shit. The bill was $125. The tip was five, shiny, Sacajawea gold dollar coins. And the thing is, this guy thought he was being generous. He was really excited to give these away. I cant even buy a pack of diapers with that shit. Luckily I had numerous other tables that night so one poor, I mean really poor, tip didn't break my earnings. So, yes, the autograt, its a good thing.
4. If the sign on the door says that we are closed, we are closed. And while it may be hot outside or you might be tired of standing, unfortunately, you cannot come inside and wait until we are "open." Why not? Well, two reasons: first, think of a restaurant as a stage and the employees the players. There are some things that go on behind the curtain that you, the audience wouldn't want to see, simply because it would take a way from the experience you came for. Polishing flatware and glasses, folding linens vacuuming and swatting flies; its all apart of the show's preparation. You may not want to see us at the front door swatting flies but you're happy when your sitting at your table not noticing the lack of flies buzzing about. Second: We don't want you in here, nothing personal. The time before opening is our time to get ready both physically and mentally. We turn the music up loud, we sing, we dance, we talk shit and we prepare to spend the next 5 hours serving you. If you're waiting inside, well, we'd be remiss to not smile and welcome you in, offer you a glass of water or a menu to look at while you wait. All of that is serving you, before we are ready to. So please, just take a walk and come back, it will be worth the wait.
5. We are human. And as such we will make mistakes. We work really hard on NOT making them so that you will have the kind of dining experience that will keep you coming back, but like I said, fallible... So these slip ups, they happen and whether its a small mistake (I brought you sweet tea instead of unsweetened) or a large one (I got distracted and forgot to put your order in), whether its the kitchens fault (your steak came out medium rare rather than medium) or its the diners fault (you didn't fully read the menu description to see that the fish you ordered is served fried) You need to tell us that you are dissatisfied. Speak up because if we don't know you're unhappy, you will likely stay that way. And neither of us want that. So when your server comes back to check on you, tell them you'd prefer to have the steak put back on the grill for a few more minutes. Although it is our job to know when you're just pushing the food around the plate rather than eating it, we do get busy and it can go unnoticed. Once you tell us what you're unhappy with we will do our very best to make up for the mistake. Oh, and please don't wait until you've finished the meal. If you've eaten it, you're paying for it. Of course, you have the final say when you leave that tip on the table. But its hardly fair to short change your server because of your lack of communication.
This has been a public service announcement. I will now step down from my soapbox.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Great wolf lodge mini vacation
Chris and I spend 8 months of the year coming and going in the opposite direction of each other. Except for the months of December, June, July and a few weeks in August Chris works an extended hour day. During his club's "soccer season" he works in the office until 4 and then is on the field training until dark, sometimes later if the field has lights. On weekends there are the games and because Chris coaches two teams that means both Saturdays and Sundays are work days. The good news here is that unless he's traveling to an away game he's usually home by 6 or 7. So when summer comes along and he doesn't have to train we try to make the most of our time together. I had been seeing commercials for a resort that caters to families. A resort with a HUGE indoor waterpark. Liam loves the water and I love a nice hotel so it seemed like a good fit. I did some research online to be sure and found that in the waterpark there is a kiddie pool, a wave pool and tons of waterslides and rides that only require children under 42 inches be accompanied by an adult. Outside the waterpark, there is a family style restaurant, that doesn't frown upon noisy children and at 8:00pm there is a huge puppet show in the lobby followed by story time. I was hooked. After a few weeks of following Chris around blathering on about how fun it will be for all of us he finally handed over the credit card. Twenty minutes later we were 250 dollars poorer. Granted we were only staying for one night but our passes to the waterpark are included! Can you really put a price on being together?
So Tuesday morning we jump in car and head to Charlotte. We arrived around 1pm and were able to check in right away. We all put our suits on and headed for the waterpark. We walked through the huge glass doors into the massive 84 degree complex and Liam's eyes grew wide. We thought we would first get our feet wet with the wave pond. It was nice but it was a little boring after a while. Plus when a wave knocks you down you don't have a soft sandy landing, its concrete.
Next we moved to the kiddie area. A zero depth entry pool that's max depth is a foot and a half. In the center of it all there is a jungle gym, of sorts, with lots of hoses and overhead buckets on pulley systems splashing and dumping water on you. Off the center and side of the gym deck there are two small waterslides. We brought Liam in and headed straight for the jungle gym/slide structure. We had put a life vest on him for safety's sake and though he wasn't pleased about it he didn't have his water legs and acted like a weeble unable to stay upright in waist deep . I carry Liam up the three steps to the top of the slide platform and then we get situated to slide down. A split second later its over and Liam has absolutely no reaction, which, it seems, is a reaction in itself. We are making the trek back over to the steps when I'm greeted at the stairs by a lifeguard who smiles politely and informs me that adults are not permitted to go down the slides. No problem. There are two of us so I sit at the top of the slide and Chris waits less than 2 feet away at the bottom. This is only necessary because the slide ends underwater and Liam will inevitably go face first into the water. Next we advance to the twisty slide this one is a bit longer, curves around and has more water rushing down it. Our first try Liam flopped over onto his side and kind of went down on his face, but it didn't really seem to bother him. We got it right, eventually, and he was squealing with excitement in no time.
But soon, as happens, Liam grew tired of the kiddie pool so we decided to head over to "Fort Mackenzie." At the base of the huge four story play structure we noted the "rules" and as the sign said children must be 42 inches OR accompanied by an adult. The twin waterslides at the top were one of two reasons we came. A four story waterslide! I think I was excited enough for the both of us. As you wind your way to the top you cross over suspension bridges and pass by cargo nets loaded with spray stations and soaker buckets. We got totally soaked just making our way to the top. We waited patiently in line for the slides and finally it was our turn. There was an orange slide and a green one, I asked the attendant if they were both the same and after being told the orange one was a bit slower, Liam and I opted for the orange and pointed daddy to the green. I get myself situated and go to pull Liam into my lap and the attendant says: "Oh, you cant go down WITH him, lap riding isn't allowed anywhere in the park..."
What do you mean I cant go down with him? I thought children under 42 inches must be accompanied by an adult! "...But he can go down by himself"
Are you nuts? He's a year and a half old and you want me to send him down a four story gushing waterslide, by himself? HOW is that safer than him sitting in my lap so that I can keep him from banging his head or going under at the bottom? Tell me. Please.
Why I didn't argue with him or put up ANY kind of fuss I have no idea. Chris and I just looked at each other frowning and shrugged our shoulders. I send Liam and daddy back down through fort Mackenzie so I can take the slide down. What? Just because Liam can't have any fun, I should be miserable too? Besides, I needed to see how crazy the suggestion to let him ride it alone really was. And it was pretty crazy. The slide wast too fast for Liam to go it alone, for sure. I reach the bottom, find my boys and look around for our next adventure.
At this point we are realizing that there isn't going to be much we can do with Liam. All four of the big slides are out as well as the River Run, a ride where a family climbs into a river raft and rides together down a water run. So essentially we came to a water park to play in the kiddie pool. great.
After a few hours indoors we were getting chilly. I know, Iknow. But in my defense Chris was skeptical of the claim that they keep it 84 degrees. I was shivering. So we ventured to the outdoor pool to warm up. And look, there is a bar! with a TV! A TV with soccer on! Everybody wins.
I order myself a plastic bottle of beer while Chris fixes himself in front of the TV. We spent the rest of the afternoon out at the pool and headed back to the room to get cleaned up when our stomachs reminded us it was dinner time.
The lobby restaurant was yet another huge disappointment. I ordered the half rack of ribs and had hard time getting the meat from the bone with a fork and knife. Chris ordered the cheeseburger which was overcooked and Liam wasn't at all interested in the mac and cheese- this being a first.
After dropping 40 bucks for the meal we grabbed our cocktails to go and hit the lobby for the evening puppet show. We got there a few minutes early to scope out our seats but by the time the show started Liam was passed out. He slept straight through the whole thing and didn't wake up until I gently laid him in the pack 'n play back in our room.
All in all the mini vacation was a bust. The room was nice, and the bed was super comfy but you don't spend much time in your room, at least not when you're vacationing with your toddler. So if you've got an extra three or four hundred bucks just laying around then fine, but if not wait until your child reaches 42 inches before going. I fired off a letter to the management team but I doubt anything will come of it... Of course if we got a free night out of it, I'd go back just for the pool bar.... I'm just sayin.
So Tuesday morning we jump in car and head to Charlotte. We arrived around 1pm and were able to check in right away. We all put our suits on and headed for the waterpark. We walked through the huge glass doors into the massive 84 degree complex and Liam's eyes grew wide. We thought we would first get our feet wet with the wave pond. It was nice but it was a little boring after a while. Plus when a wave knocks you down you don't have a soft sandy landing, its concrete.
Next we moved to the kiddie area. A zero depth entry pool that's max depth is a foot and a half. In the center of it all there is a jungle gym, of sorts, with lots of hoses and overhead buckets on pulley systems splashing and dumping water on you. Off the center and side of the gym deck there are two small waterslides. We brought Liam in and headed straight for the jungle gym/slide structure. We had put a life vest on him for safety's sake and though he wasn't pleased about it he didn't have his water legs and acted like a weeble unable to stay upright in waist deep . I carry Liam up the three steps to the top of the slide platform and then we get situated to slide down. A split second later its over and Liam has absolutely no reaction, which, it seems, is a reaction in itself. We are making the trek back over to the steps when I'm greeted at the stairs by a lifeguard who smiles politely and informs me that adults are not permitted to go down the slides. No problem. There are two of us so I sit at the top of the slide and Chris waits less than 2 feet away at the bottom. This is only necessary because the slide ends underwater and Liam will inevitably go face first into the water. Next we advance to the twisty slide this one is a bit longer, curves around and has more water rushing down it. Our first try Liam flopped over onto his side and kind of went down on his face, but it didn't really seem to bother him. We got it right, eventually, and he was squealing with excitement in no time.
But soon, as happens, Liam grew tired of the kiddie pool so we decided to head over to "Fort Mackenzie." At the base of the huge four story play structure we noted the "rules" and as the sign said children must be 42 inches OR accompanied by an adult. The twin waterslides at the top were one of two reasons we came. A four story waterslide! I think I was excited enough for the both of us. As you wind your way to the top you cross over suspension bridges and pass by cargo nets loaded with spray stations and soaker buckets. We got totally soaked just making our way to the top. We waited patiently in line for the slides and finally it was our turn. There was an orange slide and a green one, I asked the attendant if they were both the same and after being told the orange one was a bit slower, Liam and I opted for the orange and pointed daddy to the green. I get myself situated and go to pull Liam into my lap and the attendant says: "Oh, you cant go down WITH him, lap riding isn't allowed anywhere in the park..."
What do you mean I cant go down with him? I thought children under 42 inches must be accompanied by an adult! "...But he can go down by himself"
Are you nuts? He's a year and a half old and you want me to send him down a four story gushing waterslide, by himself? HOW is that safer than him sitting in my lap so that I can keep him from banging his head or going under at the bottom? Tell me. Please.
Why I didn't argue with him or put up ANY kind of fuss I have no idea. Chris and I just looked at each other frowning and shrugged our shoulders. I send Liam and daddy back down through fort Mackenzie so I can take the slide down. What? Just because Liam can't have any fun, I should be miserable too? Besides, I needed to see how crazy the suggestion to let him ride it alone really was. And it was pretty crazy. The slide wast too fast for Liam to go it alone, for sure. I reach the bottom, find my boys and look around for our next adventure.
At this point we are realizing that there isn't going to be much we can do with Liam. All four of the big slides are out as well as the River Run, a ride where a family climbs into a river raft and rides together down a water run. So essentially we came to a water park to play in the kiddie pool. great.
After a few hours indoors we were getting chilly. I know, Iknow. But in my defense Chris was skeptical of the claim that they keep it 84 degrees. I was shivering. So we ventured to the outdoor pool to warm up. And look, there is a bar! with a TV! A TV with soccer on! Everybody wins.
I order myself a plastic bottle of beer while Chris fixes himself in front of the TV. We spent the rest of the afternoon out at the pool and headed back to the room to get cleaned up when our stomachs reminded us it was dinner time.
The lobby restaurant was yet another huge disappointment. I ordered the half rack of ribs and had hard time getting the meat from the bone with a fork and knife. Chris ordered the cheeseburger which was overcooked and Liam wasn't at all interested in the mac and cheese- this being a first.
After dropping 40 bucks for the meal we grabbed our cocktails to go and hit the lobby for the evening puppet show. We got there a few minutes early to scope out our seats but by the time the show started Liam was passed out. He slept straight through the whole thing and didn't wake up until I gently laid him in the pack 'n play back in our room.
All in all the mini vacation was a bust. The room was nice, and the bed was super comfy but you don't spend much time in your room, at least not when you're vacationing with your toddler. So if you've got an extra three or four hundred bucks just laying around then fine, but if not wait until your child reaches 42 inches before going. I fired off a letter to the management team but I doubt anything will come of it... Of course if we got a free night out of it, I'd go back just for the pool bar.... I'm just sayin.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
LobsterGate
I work in a restaurant and I really love it. I love the people that I work with and for. I love the quality of the food we sell and the drinks we sling. I love our regulars, the people who take the time to get to know us and appreciate what we do for them. Oh and I love the money, the money is good too.
Here's a little anecdote about what I don't love:
Wednesday night at the restaurant. Dinner special: Live Maine lobster with fresh drawn butter, boiled red potatoes and sweet corn on the cob, 18 bucks. Its busy. And by busy I mean we are full inside and out, there's a 30 minute wait for tables. Oh and its like 95 degrees, 85 inside.
I'm first cut, which means I'd be the first of the servers to go home. Its 8:40. We close at 9:00 and I'm told I'm being sat a 4 top. I am happy about this. I'm here to make money. Bring it.
So we seat them at table two. But no, one of the women in the party would rather sit at table eight. Table eight is dirty but she'll wait. She's the kind of woman who knows what she wants, and is overly assertive until she gets it. Some might describe her as a bully, but not me. I'd use a different B word. Table eight gets cleared, cleaned and reset. My four top is now seated at table eight. I attempt to greet them but am made to wait until they are finished ignoring me and talking amongst themselves about how one of the ladies (the assertive one) wants two lobsters. I manage to get their drink orders and quickly return with their drinks. They say they're ready to order (even though two of the four are still scanning the menu undecided). So this woman, the one that wants two lobsters says "I'm having the lobster and I want TWO, but not two entrees, just one entree with two lobsters." OK, got it. Next: lobster, next: lobster, and next: lobster. Jack Pot.
I immediately take their order to the assistant manager to see how he wants me to order/price the double lobster and he says "You need how many? I think we only have three left..." EFF.
The kitchen confirms it. 3 lobster left. So I make the walk to the table and say in my most regrettful voice: "I have some bad news" and the double lobster woman slams her hand on the table and says "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU ARE OUT OF LOBSTER! To which I reply: "OK, we are not out of lobster, but we only have 3 left."
Lobster woman: (growing angry) "I cant believe this, this is... I, I CALLED AHEAD. I wanted to reserve our lobsters and the man told me you NEVER run out of lobster!
Me: I do apologize for the oversight, but the good news is we do have 3 lobsters so if one of you would be interested in selecting another entree, perhaps our Dungeness Crab.. (the irony of this recommendation escapes them)
Lobster woman: NO, I'm done. Lets go, I can't stay here!
Others at her table: (interupting her rant) "No, no, no, its OK, well just order something else.."
Lobster woman: "But they told me they don't run out! Is he here?"
Me: "Is who here ma'am?"
Lobster woman: "The man who personally guaranteed me you wouldn't run out of lobster?"
Me: "I'm not sure who that was ma'am, and I'm sorry that they made a mistake, unfortunately there isn't much we can do about it except offer you one of our many..."
Lobster woman: "I want a manager!"
Me: "Let me run and get him for you."
Nick has been standing in the threshold of the dining room watching the scene so he's already caught up on the situation and knows what he's getting himself into. He's at the table for, something like, 5 minutes which is an hour or more in restaurant terms. Seriously. Think about it, if you sat at a table for 5 minutes before being greeted you'd probably be pretty irritated by the time someone came over to you. this is because when you step into a restaurant something happens on the space/time continuum. They're doing research on it now.
When Nick finally steps away from the table he's received his share of tongue lashings but they're not leaving so he's done his job.
I return to the table to get orders and its 3 lobster and one salmon topped salad.
For the next 15 minutes everything goes smoothly.
They're happily eating their salads and cornbread when another table's order goes trotting by. An order of two lobsters comes to rest at the outside table that my table of 4 directly overlooks. Remember when they moved tables? Yeaaah, they wanted a window seat.
I'm not standing at the table when this happens but Lobster woman elbows her husband and shouts: "Can you believe this! They said they were out of lobster! Those people got here after us! Go get the manager!"
Husband promptly jumps up and runs into the bar to look for Nick. When husband returns to the table with Nick, Nick explains that while that table may have walked into the door after them, they may have even been seated after them but that table got their order in first which makes those two lobsters rightfully table 23's.
She doesn't believe us. She thinks we are lying to her. We probably have a Red Lobster tank in the back that's chock full of lobster. Lobster that we aren't offering her just to be mean because we are in the business of torturing people with what they want but can't have. It isn't a very lucrative business but it is entertaining.
I return to the table to refill water glasses. Husband has cornbread floating in his. I want to just refill it and give it back to him, he probably doesn't know he backwashes. I replace it with a clean glass. Lobster woman starts in about the lobsters on table 23 and how she even brought her own tools, to prove she's serious about her lobster she pulls a Ziploc bag out of her purse with a Williams-Sonoma looking claw cracker, I think its engraved. "Wow," I say "You mean business!" Then she tell me that she knows for a fact that they were here before table 23.
"Yes, you probably were. Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, they were quicker to order their dinner, which probably happened when you were changing tables." I smile sympathetically. This seems to do the trick, because now I can see that she's thinking about all the time they wasted. She's thinking: Damn it! She's right! We moved tables, then we hemmed and hawed over a bottle of wine or beers... And then Garrison couldn't decide between the lobster or the catfish, Damn you Garrison!
I'm satisfied as I walk away.
Once the lobsters are plated we drop their food off and I ask if there's anything more I can get them. I half wince as I say this knowing the answer is surely two more lobsters. But they just shake their heads, everyone looking pleased with their respective dishes. Lobster woman dismisses me with a wave of her overly bejeweled hand.
They dine, they drink, they talk. There is laughter.
After the plates have been cleared and dessert has been offered lobster woman says: "I couldn't eat another bite; everything was delicious! I guess I didn't need two lobsters after all!"
Everyone else at the table looks sheepish.
Can you beat that? I mean, honestly.
I go to print the bill and all of the beers have been comped. They've been taken care of by the house which is a normal practice to keep people happy, to get them to come back. And bring their friends. This is also known as "taking one for the team" because unfortunately for me, this drops the bill significantly. What was once a bill of $110.00 just dropped to about $75.00. If you're in the business you know its fair to tip on the bill amount before anything has been comped or discounted, after all your server did the work to get it to you. Of course this is known by few and practiced by even fewer.
They split the bill and each couple left me 6 dollars. Was it worth the hassle? Definitely not. Was it worth the repeat business? Only time will tell. All I know for sure is that if I ever behave like a spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum in a place of business because I cant have what I want, someone needs to take me forcibly by the arm and escort me outside for a time-out.
Here's a little anecdote about what I don't love:
Wednesday night at the restaurant. Dinner special: Live Maine lobster with fresh drawn butter, boiled red potatoes and sweet corn on the cob, 18 bucks. Its busy. And by busy I mean we are full inside and out, there's a 30 minute wait for tables. Oh and its like 95 degrees, 85 inside.
I'm first cut, which means I'd be the first of the servers to go home. Its 8:40. We close at 9:00 and I'm told I'm being sat a 4 top. I am happy about this. I'm here to make money. Bring it.
So we seat them at table two. But no, one of the women in the party would rather sit at table eight. Table eight is dirty but she'll wait. She's the kind of woman who knows what she wants, and is overly assertive until she gets it. Some might describe her as a bully, but not me. I'd use a different B word. Table eight gets cleared, cleaned and reset. My four top is now seated at table eight. I attempt to greet them but am made to wait until they are finished ignoring me and talking amongst themselves about how one of the ladies (the assertive one) wants two lobsters. I manage to get their drink orders and quickly return with their drinks. They say they're ready to order (even though two of the four are still scanning the menu undecided). So this woman, the one that wants two lobsters says "I'm having the lobster and I want TWO, but not two entrees, just one entree with two lobsters." OK, got it. Next: lobster, next: lobster, and next: lobster. Jack Pot.
I immediately take their order to the assistant manager to see how he wants me to order/price the double lobster and he says "You need how many? I think we only have three left..." EFF.
The kitchen confirms it. 3 lobster left. So I make the walk to the table and say in my most regrettful voice: "I have some bad news" and the double lobster woman slams her hand on the table and says "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU ARE OUT OF LOBSTER! To which I reply: "OK, we are not out of lobster, but we only have 3 left."
Lobster woman: (growing angry) "I cant believe this, this is... I, I CALLED AHEAD. I wanted to reserve our lobsters and the man told me you NEVER run out of lobster!
Me: I do apologize for the oversight, but the good news is we do have 3 lobsters so if one of you would be interested in selecting another entree, perhaps our Dungeness Crab.. (the irony of this recommendation escapes them)
Lobster woman: NO, I'm done. Lets go, I can't stay here!
Others at her table: (interupting her rant) "No, no, no, its OK, well just order something else.."
Lobster woman: "But they told me they don't run out! Is he here?"
Me: "Is who here ma'am?"
Lobster woman: "The man who personally guaranteed me you wouldn't run out of lobster?"
Me: "I'm not sure who that was ma'am, and I'm sorry that they made a mistake, unfortunately there isn't much we can do about it except offer you one of our many..."
Lobster woman: "I want a manager!"
Me: "Let me run and get him for you."
Nick has been standing in the threshold of the dining room watching the scene so he's already caught up on the situation and knows what he's getting himself into. He's at the table for, something like, 5 minutes which is an hour or more in restaurant terms. Seriously. Think about it, if you sat at a table for 5 minutes before being greeted you'd probably be pretty irritated by the time someone came over to you. this is because when you step into a restaurant something happens on the space/time continuum. They're doing research on it now.
When Nick finally steps away from the table he's received his share of tongue lashings but they're not leaving so he's done his job.
I return to the table to get orders and its 3 lobster and one salmon topped salad.
For the next 15 minutes everything goes smoothly.
They're happily eating their salads and cornbread when another table's order goes trotting by. An order of two lobsters comes to rest at the outside table that my table of 4 directly overlooks. Remember when they moved tables? Yeaaah, they wanted a window seat.
I'm not standing at the table when this happens but Lobster woman elbows her husband and shouts: "Can you believe this! They said they were out of lobster! Those people got here after us! Go get the manager!"
Husband promptly jumps up and runs into the bar to look for Nick. When husband returns to the table with Nick, Nick explains that while that table may have walked into the door after them, they may have even been seated after them but that table got their order in first which makes those two lobsters rightfully table 23's.
She doesn't believe us. She thinks we are lying to her. We probably have a Red Lobster tank in the back that's chock full of lobster. Lobster that we aren't offering her just to be mean because we are in the business of torturing people with what they want but can't have. It isn't a very lucrative business but it is entertaining.
I return to the table to refill water glasses. Husband has cornbread floating in his. I want to just refill it and give it back to him, he probably doesn't know he backwashes. I replace it with a clean glass. Lobster woman starts in about the lobsters on table 23 and how she even brought her own tools, to prove she's serious about her lobster she pulls a Ziploc bag out of her purse with a Williams-Sonoma looking claw cracker, I think its engraved. "Wow," I say "You mean business!" Then she tell me that she knows for a fact that they were here before table 23.
"Yes, you probably were. Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, they were quicker to order their dinner, which probably happened when you were changing tables." I smile sympathetically. This seems to do the trick, because now I can see that she's thinking about all the time they wasted. She's thinking: Damn it! She's right! We moved tables, then we hemmed and hawed over a bottle of wine or beers... And then Garrison couldn't decide between the lobster or the catfish, Damn you Garrison!
I'm satisfied as I walk away.
Once the lobsters are plated we drop their food off and I ask if there's anything more I can get them. I half wince as I say this knowing the answer is surely two more lobsters. But they just shake their heads, everyone looking pleased with their respective dishes. Lobster woman dismisses me with a wave of her overly bejeweled hand.
They dine, they drink, they talk. There is laughter.
After the plates have been cleared and dessert has been offered lobster woman says: "I couldn't eat another bite; everything was delicious! I guess I didn't need two lobsters after all!"
Everyone else at the table looks sheepish.
Can you beat that? I mean, honestly.
I go to print the bill and all of the beers have been comped. They've been taken care of by the house which is a normal practice to keep people happy, to get them to come back. And bring their friends. This is also known as "taking one for the team" because unfortunately for me, this drops the bill significantly. What was once a bill of $110.00 just dropped to about $75.00. If you're in the business you know its fair to tip on the bill amount before anything has been comped or discounted, after all your server did the work to get it to you. Of course this is known by few and practiced by even fewer.
They split the bill and each couple left me 6 dollars. Was it worth the hassle? Definitely not. Was it worth the repeat business? Only time will tell. All I know for sure is that if I ever behave like a spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum in a place of business because I cant have what I want, someone needs to take me forcibly by the arm and escort me outside for a time-out.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
On Learning Forgiveness
“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the principles of loyalty and fidelity; What it means to be faithful to ones family or friends. My parents raised their children to value family above all else; and to love friends as though they were family. Now that I am a parent, I truly understand what this means. The act of being selfless. loving someone more than yourself, putting their welfare before your own. At the altar we vow, before God, to do this in our marriage. When our newborn babies are placed in our arms for the first time we make this promise from our hearts. But what about everyone else? Where is their promise to be handled with care and respect?
A while back I was ridiculed, pretty harshly for what I do here and on my food blog. I was made to feel ashamed for wanting to share my love of family and food. I was interpreted as a self righteous and condescending fool with an expensive mixer. What was most unsettling for me and perhaps the reason why I'm still dwelling on it now, was the fact that my critic was someone I consider(ed) a good friend. It hurt my heart and my pride to know that people I trusted were laughing at me behind my back. So how do I move on from this, how do resolve these feelings of resentment that rise to the surface whenever I am reminded of what happened?
The answer, of course, is forgiveness.
The only person affected by my lack of forgiveness is me. I can't imagine my friend is sitting around lamenting over the long term affects this has had on me. In fact it is likely that he is blissfully unaware.
Shortly after all of this happened I had made my decision to forgive and just be done with it but as time rolled on I realized that what I was doing was ignoring it, pretending it never happened. I've spent months wondering why, if I have forgiven, do I still feel the sting, the anger? Its because Forgiveness is a process, not a one time act. It isn't something that you give out to others, its something you do for yourself, to promote healing and peace in your life. I can't very well expect to successfully teach my son to be merciful if I, myself, can't master it when it counts. In life, in our relationships we all slip up, I know I've made my fair share of mistakes, and some are real doozies. But its what we do moving forward that counts; our character is measured by doing the right thing when its not the easy choice. I know my friend is sorry for hurting me and I'm fairly confident that it wont happen again, at least not to me, but hopefully anyone else either.
So I'm forgiving my friend. I've always said I will not be a victim, I have the choice. And I choose me.
I've been thinking a lot lately about the principles of loyalty and fidelity; What it means to be faithful to ones family or friends. My parents raised their children to value family above all else; and to love friends as though they were family. Now that I am a parent, I truly understand what this means. The act of being selfless. loving someone more than yourself, putting their welfare before your own. At the altar we vow, before God, to do this in our marriage. When our newborn babies are placed in our arms for the first time we make this promise from our hearts. But what about everyone else? Where is their promise to be handled with care and respect?
A while back I was ridiculed, pretty harshly for what I do here and on my food blog. I was made to feel ashamed for wanting to share my love of family and food. I was interpreted as a self righteous and condescending fool with an expensive mixer. What was most unsettling for me and perhaps the reason why I'm still dwelling on it now, was the fact that my critic was someone I consider(ed) a good friend. It hurt my heart and my pride to know that people I trusted were laughing at me behind my back. So how do I move on from this, how do resolve these feelings of resentment that rise to the surface whenever I am reminded of what happened?
The answer, of course, is forgiveness.
The only person affected by my lack of forgiveness is me. I can't imagine my friend is sitting around lamenting over the long term affects this has had on me. In fact it is likely that he is blissfully unaware.
Shortly after all of this happened I had made my decision to forgive and just be done with it but as time rolled on I realized that what I was doing was ignoring it, pretending it never happened. I've spent months wondering why, if I have forgiven, do I still feel the sting, the anger? Its because Forgiveness is a process, not a one time act. It isn't something that you give out to others, its something you do for yourself, to promote healing and peace in your life. I can't very well expect to successfully teach my son to be merciful if I, myself, can't master it when it counts. In life, in our relationships we all slip up, I know I've made my fair share of mistakes, and some are real doozies. But its what we do moving forward that counts; our character is measured by doing the right thing when its not the easy choice. I know my friend is sorry for hurting me and I'm fairly confident that it wont happen again, at least not to me, but hopefully anyone else either.
So I'm forgiving my friend. I've always said I will not be a victim, I have the choice. And I choose me.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Structured Chaos
At 17 months Liam is WIDE OPEN.
He is everywhere, all the time, at the speed of light.
Just for fun lets run through an average day at our house.
8:00 am Liam wakes, gets a diaper change and hits the ground running.
while I make breakfast he takes all of the clean dish towels out of the drawer and throws them onto the floor.
8:30 Liam eats breakfast, I pick up dishtowels and stuff them, unfolded, back into the drawer.
8:50 After shaking the milk out of his "leak proof" sippy cup and soaking his breakfast in it, Liam swipes the remaining scrambled eggs, toast and banana off of his tray and onto the floor.
9:00 concluding a battle to get his hands and face wiped I set Liam free and drop to my knees not only to clean the milky-egg mess but to summon the strength to get through to nap time.
9:30 I shoo Liam out of the oven drawer and into the living room to play while I put all of the cookie sheets back and finally pour some coffee.
10:30 Story time. Liam will pick out several books for me to read and then he forcibly turns the pages faster than I can read them.
11:30 Nap time. While Liam sleeps I: check email, pick up toys, exercise,sweep and/or vacuum as needed, empty then load dishwasher, make the bed, put away laundry, make and scarf down lunch, waste time on facebook and various other websites, jump in the shower and prepare lunch for Liam.
1:30 Liam wakes and starts screaming because he's gotten his chunky little thigh caught between the slats in his crib rail.
1:40 Liam eats lunch.
2:00 Repeat shaking of the juice onto the tray then splashing the refuse to the floor etc...
2:30 Liam gets cleaned up and we head outside to play. If the mosquitoes don't immediately eat us alive we'll play in our yard alternating between the pool, sandbox and various other toys. Often trying to bring the sand into the pool and visa versa.
3:30 snack time, for quick cleanup snack is usually enjoyed outside. And by enjoyed I mean eaten only after it has hit the ground, been stepped on and inspected by various bugs.
4:00 Errands, we jump into the car to hit the grocery store, bank, post office or whatever. While in the car Liam finds a sippy cup half full with soy milk. FROM DAYS AGO. And gulps it down as though he were stranded on a desert island and just discovered water. Within seconds the curdled mess comes back up, all over Liam and his carseat.
5:30 A quick change of clothes then Liam and I hit the kitchen to prepare dinner. If he's not too cranky we pull a chair up to the counter so Liam can help. After a few minutes of 'helping' Liam toddles off to discover, and eat, a few macaroni hiding under the fridge.
6:00 Dinner. Repeat breakfast/lunch scene.
6:30 I clean up the mess from Liam's dinner while Liam attempts to help by picking up food off of the floor and putting it in his toy box.
7:00 Bathtime. Liam plays in the tub occasionally splashing most of the water out of the tub and onto me. After bath we begin The Dance, wherein Liam and I lock horns in a struggle as old as time: getting ready for bed. More specifically brushing teeth and putting on jammies.
7:30 Story time. Usually, Dr. Seuss will provide just the right amount of entertainment to maintain his interest while simultaneously lending a soothing cadence to help wind down from a busy day.
8:00 Bedtime. phew.
8:10 Chris returns home from work.
I wonder what's on the agenda for tomorrow?
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Love Wins
Aunt Kimmy was there the day Liam was born.I mean right there, front row seats. In fact, judging from the amount of work my OB did, Kimmy could have pinch hit while the doc went for coffee.
She was there, eager, to babysit whenever I needed a break or just a shower. She called him her sweet angel boy because when she was with Liam his colic magically subsided. Hand to God. Only now is it clear that that was a tell tale sign: he cherished his time with her. 
She loved him, because thats what she did; thats who she was, Love. And even though he wont remember their time together he'll feel her love for him and he will know what they shared.
"They that love beyond this world cannot be separated by it."
Love Wins.
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