LobsterGate

I work in a restaurant and I really love it. I love the people that I work with and for. I love the quality of the food we sell and the drinks we sling. I love our regulars, the people who take the time to get to know us and appreciate what we do for them. Oh and I love the money, the money is good too.

Here's a little anecdote about what I don't love:

Wednesday night at the restaurant. Dinner special: Live Maine lobster with fresh drawn butter, boiled red potatoes and sweet corn on the cob, 18 bucks. Its busy. And by busy I mean we are full inside and out, there's a 30 minute wait for tables. Oh and its like 95 degrees, 85 inside.

I'm first cut, which means I'd be the first of the servers to go home. Its 8:40. We close at 9:00 and I'm told I'm being sat a 4 top. I am happy about this. I'm here to make money. Bring it.

So we seat them at table two. But no, one of the women in the party would rather sit at table eight. Table eight is dirty but she'll wait. She's the kind of woman who knows what she wants, and is overly assertive until she gets it. Some might describe her as a bully, but not me. I'd use a different B word. Table eight gets cleared, cleaned and reset. My four top is now seated at table eight. I attempt to greet them but am made to wait until they are finished ignoring me and talking amongst themselves about how one of the ladies (the assertive one) wants two lobsters. I manage to get their drink orders and quickly return with their drinks. They say they're ready to order (even though two of the four are still scanning the menu undecided). So this woman, the one that wants two lobsters says "I'm having the lobster and I want TWO, but not two entrees, just one entree with two lobsters." OK, got it. Next: lobster, next: lobster, and next: lobster. Jack Pot.

I immediately take their order to the assistant manager to see how he wants me to order/price the double lobster and he says "You need how many? I think we only have three left..." EFF.
The kitchen confirms it. 3 lobster left. So I make the walk to the table and say in my most regrettful voice: "I have some bad news" and the double lobster woman slams her hand on the table and says "DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME YOU ARE OUT OF LOBSTER! To which I reply: "OK, we are not out of lobster, but we only have 3 left."

Lobster woman: (growing angry) "I cant believe this, this is... I, I CALLED AHEAD. I wanted to reserve our lobsters and the man told me you NEVER run out of lobster!
Me: I do apologize for the oversight, but the good news is we do have 3 lobsters so if one of you would be interested in selecting another entree, perhaps our Dungeness Crab.. (the irony of this recommendation escapes them)

Lobster woman: NO, I'm done. Lets go, I can't stay here!

Others at her table: (interupting her rant) "No, no, no, its OK, well just order something else.."

Lobster woman: "But they told me they don't run out! Is he here?"

Me: "Is who here ma'am?"

Lobster woman: "The man who personally guaranteed me you wouldn't run out of lobster?"

Me: "I'm not sure who that was ma'am, and I'm sorry that they made a mistake, unfortunately there isn't much we can do about it except offer you one of our many..."

Lobster woman: "I want a manager!"

Me: "Let me run and get him for you."

Nick has been standing in the threshold of the dining room watching the scene so he's already caught up on the situation and knows what he's getting himself into. He's at the table for, something like, 5 minutes which is an hour or more in restaurant terms. Seriously. Think about it, if you sat at a table for 5 minutes before being greeted you'd probably be pretty irritated by the time someone came over to you. this is because when you step into a restaurant something happens on the space/time continuum. They're doing research on it now.
When Nick finally steps away from the table he's received his share of tongue lashings but they're not leaving so he's done his job.
I return to the table to get orders and its 3 lobster and one salmon topped salad.
For the next 15 minutes everything goes smoothly.
They're happily eating their salads and cornbread when another table's order goes trotting by. An order of two lobsters comes to rest at the outside table that my table of 4 directly overlooks. Remember when they moved tables? Yeaaah, they wanted a window seat.
I'm not standing at the table when this happens but Lobster woman elbows her husband and shouts: "Can you believe this! They said they were out of lobster! Those people got here after us! Go get the manager!"
Husband promptly jumps up and runs into the bar to look for Nick. When husband returns to the table with Nick, Nick explains that while that table may have walked into the door after them, they may have even been seated after them but that table got their order in first which makes those two lobsters rightfully table 23's.
She doesn't believe us. She thinks we are lying to her. We probably have a Red Lobster tank in the back that's chock full of lobster. Lobster that we aren't offering her just to be mean because we are in the business of torturing people with what they want but can't have. It isn't a very lucrative business but it is entertaining.
I return to the table to refill water glasses. Husband has cornbread floating in his. I want to just refill it and give it back to him, he probably doesn't know he backwashes. I replace it with a clean glass. Lobster woman starts in about the lobsters on table 23 and how she even brought her own tools, to prove she's serious about her lobster she pulls a Ziploc bag out of her purse with a Williams-Sonoma looking claw cracker, I think its engraved. "Wow," I say "You mean business!" Then she tell me that she knows for a fact that they were here before table 23.
"Yes, you probably were. Unfortunately, as sometimes happens, they were quicker to order their dinner, which probably happened when you were changing tables." I smile sympathetically. This seems to do the trick, because now I can see that she's thinking about all the time they wasted. She's thinking: Damn it! She's right! We moved tables, then we hemmed and hawed over a bottle of wine or beers... And then Garrison couldn't decide between the lobster or the catfish, Damn you Garrison!

I'm satisfied as I walk away.

Once the lobsters are plated we drop their food off and I ask if there's anything more I can get them. I half wince as I say this knowing the answer is surely two more lobsters. But they just shake their heads, everyone looking pleased with their respective dishes. Lobster woman dismisses me with a wave of her overly bejeweled hand.

They dine, they drink, they talk. There is laughter.

After the plates have been cleared and dessert has been offered lobster woman says: "I couldn't eat another bite; everything was delicious! I guess I didn't need two lobsters after all!"

Everyone else at the table looks sheepish.

Can you beat that? I mean, honestly.

I go to print the bill and all of the beers have been comped. They've been taken care of by the house which is a normal practice to keep people happy, to get them to come back. And bring their friends. This is also known as "taking one for the team" because unfortunately for me, this drops the bill significantly. What was once a bill of $110.00 just dropped to about $75.00. If you're in the business you know its fair to tip on the bill amount before anything has been comped or discounted, after all your server did the work to get it to you. Of course this is known by few and practiced by even fewer.
They split the bill and each couple left me 6 dollars. Was it worth the hassle? Definitely not. Was it worth the repeat business? Only time will tell. All I know for sure is that if I ever behave like a spoiled brat throwing a temper tantrum in a place of business because I cant have what I want, someone needs to take me forcibly by the arm and escort me outside for a time-out.