Fear, detailed.

I hear a cry, a piercing, terror inducing shriek coming from just outside our front door.
Its Liam.

I drop the dishtowel and run, full speed, slamming into the front door with both hands before pulling it open with alarming force. Just off the porch and to the right, about 25 feet, he is crouching, shielding his head with one arm and flailing his other arm as something, two somethings, encircle him almost playfully. One yips and swipes at him as the other takes a nip at his frantic little arm. Taking in the unbelievable scene I realize they are mountain lion cubs. Grabbing the broom by the door I jump from the porch to save my little boy. Before my feet even touch down something hits me, slams into me. A wall of beige fur and muscle knocks me to the ground and I tumble in the dirt swinging the broom at the advancing jaw and claws. Its the cub's mama and she is as pissed off as I am. Her jaw snaps the broom rendering it useless and after a quick glance at Liam still crouching, still whole, I realize what I have to do; I retreat back into the house.

I'm frantic as I tear up the stairs and into my bedroom closet. With one sweep of my arm I brush everything from the shelf as I reach for the long leather case. I drop to the floor and pull open the the unlocked zipper as I hear my fathers voice in my head ("If ever you need to use this gun you wont have time mess with a lock"). I peel the case away from the shotgun and stand to grab a box of buckshot from the shelf. It feels like I've been gone for hours and as I run back down the stairs panic begins to cripple me. What will I find when I open that door? Please God. I push the thought out of my mind as I reach the door. I crack it open and I can hear Liam crying. He's calling my name. I call back to him: "Its gonna be OK baby, just stay still, I'm coming." Laying the 12 gauge on the floor I rip open the box of shells and they fly everywhere. I grab a handful and turn the shotgun over to load the magazine, I get two shells in but my hands are shaking so bad I fumble with the third shell and it skips across the floor out of reach. Two will have to do. Standing, the gun at my side, I open the door fully and step out onto the porch. Liam is now laying face down on the ground with his arms covering his head as the cubs nip at the back of his neck. His shirt is shredded and he is bleeding.

Upon seeing me reemerge from the house Mama mountain lion hisses at me. Its a warning, shes telling me to let her cubs hunt. I call to Liam again: "Mommy's here Liam, stay very still now. Try hard for me OK?" Hearing my voice mama lion takes more interest in Liam. She begins to circle him, slowly, her head low. I take my position on the porch, one that keeps Liam out of my line of fire. She is watching, her eyes trained on me. Griping the gun so tight that my knuckles are white, I pump the action to chamber the round and raise it to my shoulder. With my index finger resting on the trigger guard I wrap my middle finger around the gun to release the safety. Closing my left eye to take aim I wait for her to circle back into my sight. The gun is heavy, my arms are shaking. I hear Liam whimpering with his face in the dirt and I am scared.

Suddenly she is there. And now I have to shoot her. My finger squeezes the trigger and I flinch as the explosion jolts my body and rings in my ears.


When I open my eyes I'm staring at the ceiling... I'm groggy. I feel breath on the side of my face and slowly turn my head to find Liam standing at the side of my bed his face only inches from mine. "G'mornin mommy" he says.