On Learning Forgiveness

“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the principles of loyalty and fidelity; What it means to be faithful to ones family or friends. My parents raised their children to value family above all else; and to love friends as though they were family. Now that I am a parent, I truly understand what this means. The act of being selfless. loving someone more than yourself, putting their welfare before your own. At the altar we vow, before God, to do this in our marriage. When our newborn babies are placed in our arms for the first time we make this promise from our hearts. But what about everyone else? Where is their promise to be handled with care and respect?

A while back I was ridiculed, pretty harshly for what I do here and on my food blog. I was made to feel ashamed for wanting to share my love of family and food. I was interpreted as a self righteous and condescending fool with an expensive mixer. What was most unsettling for me and perhaps the reason why I'm still dwelling on it now, was the fact that my critic was someone I consider(ed) a good friend. It hurt my heart and my pride to know that people I trusted were laughing at me behind my back. So how do I move on from this, how do resolve these feelings of resentment that rise to the surface whenever I am reminded of what happened?

The answer, of course, is forgiveness.

The only person affected by my lack of forgiveness is me. I can't imagine my friend is sitting around lamenting over the long term affects this has had on me. In fact it is likely that he is blissfully unaware.
Shortly after all of this happened I had made my decision to forgive and just be done with it but as time rolled on I realized that what I was doing was ignoring it, pretending it never happened. I've spent months wondering why, if I have forgiven, do I still feel the sting, the anger? Its because Forgiveness is a process, not a one time act. It isn't something that you give out to others, its something you do for yourself, to promote healing and peace in your life. I can't very well expect to successfully teach my son to be merciful if I, myself, can't master it when it counts. In life, in our relationships we all slip up, I know I've made my fair share of mistakes, and some are real doozies. But its what we do moving forward that counts; our character is measured by doing the right thing when its not the easy choice. I know my friend is sorry for hurting me and I'm fairly confident that it wont happen again, at least not to me, but hopefully anyone else either.
So I'm forgiving my friend. I've always said I will not be a victim, I have the choice. And I choose me.