Double trouble.

I'm the kind of mom that doesn't really care if her kid drinks juice on the couch or runs around sans diaper and wees accidentally on the floor. I didn't always take this approach to parenting but once Liam became mobile I found it exhausting (not to mention annoying) to try and micro-mother him. When little accidents happen I just clean it up. The 15 minutes of peace I get from not chasing him around nagging is totally worth the 15 minutes it will take to clean the pee out of the rug.

Its All About Balance.

So naturally when I presented Liam with crayons and a coloring book at the kitchen table I didn't pay any mind when he climbed off the chair and toddled off crayons in tow.

On this particular day Chris was outside mowing the lawn. I was in the kitchen making a batch of mac & cheese cupcakes.

It should be noted that when I am cooking I spend a good amount of time shooing Liam out from under my feet so when he's quietly playing in the other room-well, I don't go looking for trouble.

The next thing I know Chris is standing at the fridge looking at me in disbelief as he asks: " Do you know what your son is doing?" Quickly noting that he is not at the table I reply "Judging from the look on your face I assume he is drawing on something you disapprove of."

I was not wrong.

I can say, for the record, that crayola washables are, indeed, washable.

Toxins among us...

Ok, I'll tell you right now, you're going to think I've gone off the deep end; that I'm paranoid because I lost one sister to cancer while the other continues to fight her own battle with it. And I wont disagree with you, maybe I am paranoid. But I'll tell you what, if that's the cost to keep my sister, myself and our families healthy, then let me reach for my wallet. I NEVER expected the implications to be so far reaching. It started out innocent enough, an overhaul of the kitchen to "clean" up what we are putting into our bodies. We joined a CSA to ensure our fruits and veggies would be organic and local-in season, gave up on factory farmed meats and tossed out* anything with High fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners and loads of preservatives... and man, did we have a lot: ketchup, maple syrup, BBQ sauce, salad dressings, canned goods like Chef Boyardee and Campbell's tomato soup, the list went on and on! I had a grocery bag full of opened items and one half full of non perishables. And we've been feeling really great about the movement in our home. But then, oh but then I read an article about a small study in the UK that found parabens in breast cancer tissue in 18 out of 20 tumors. I thought what are parabens? so I look it up: Parabens are a class of chemicals widely used as preservatives in the cosmetic and pharmaceutical industries. So of course I drop everything and dash to the bathroom, gather my lotions, line them up on the counter and quickly scan the list of ingredients. Methylparaben. Then I grab the sunscreen, toothpaste and diaper cream: ethylparaben, butylparaben, propylparaben, isopropyl and isobutylparaben, parahydroxybenzoate. I noticed other ingredients showing up in many of our everyday products as well: Sodium Lauryl Sulfate and Propylene glycol. These two are popular in shampoos, shaving creams and toothpastes. It was precisely that moment that I decided to research the safety of the ingredients in the products we slather on our skin and let absorb into our bodies. This of course ends with me sitting on the bathroom floor with with piles of beauty products and a garbage bag.

What I have found so far is that companies use these chemicals in their products because they are an effective, cheap means to an end. The FDA claims they are safe (although, after working in a tox-path lab I've come to learn what a flawed and potentially corrupt system that is). And truth be told none of these chemicals on their own are considered carcinogens. But, BIG BUT here: what happens when they are combined with other chemicals? The average adult is exposed to 126 different chemicals daily, couple that with the widespread exposure through different personal care products and whats the risk now? Unfortunately the research hasn't been conducted to state conclusively that such combined, prolonged chemical use is safe.
So until there is, I'll err on the side of caution.

To minimize my risk, I'm pitching the products that are considered "leave on." Products that through their application give the chemicals ample time absorb into the bloodstream and replacing them with paraben, SLS and sulfate free organic products. Its a work in progress by priority because the good stuff isn't cheap.

What am I going to do with it all? I don't know yet. I can't, in good conscience, give it away or donate it. Although I'm sure most, those of you who think I'm being paranoid, would totally take a free bottle of of cucumber-melon lotion.

I suppose I will just end up dumping the product and recycling the bottle.

I'm open to better suggestions!

*I do plan to donate the non-perishables.

Resources:

Skin deep

SLS

Parabens

Mired in Stalemate.

Liam, now 19 months, is displaying all the endearing qualities of a caged hyena. When he gets frustrated (which is all the time!)he totally loses it. He'll bang his head on the wall or floor, shout, cry, kick his feet... you get the idea. I'd like to be able to say I have no idea where he gets it from. But that would be a lie. I'll admit he gets his temper from me. My fuse is so short you'll likely lose your hand just lighting it.
As penance I spend my waking hours simultaneously feigning a grin and taking deep breaths. See, Liam will not sit in grocery cart for more than 30 seconds, and the belt is useless, he can slip right out of it. Same thing with those nasty wooden high chairs all restaurants have. I have a sneaking suspicion that the brains behind that design were from a childless twenty-something male. Had a woman been assigned to that project the end result would be stylish and self-cleaning with a straight jacket style restraint to ensure your lovable little Houdini stays put until your finished eating your meal. Fine dining establishments might sport the "The Luxury Edition" A highchair fully enclosed in sound proof Plexiglass so that you aren't riddled with guilt over ruining every other diners experience.


I really miss dining out.

Anyway...

Here are a few fun things that happened today.

I'm watching a re-run of Greys on lifetime. Its the episode where Denny dies. I cant believe I'm watching it again because it was heart wrenching the first time. So we are at the part where the interns rush to Denny's room to find Izzy laying in the hospital bed with him. She's calm until her friends tell her they need to move him to the morgue, then she breaks down. And I'm sobbing right along with her. I'm sitting there folding the laundry crying at the TV when I hear a slight chuckle. I look over to see Liam staring squarely at me, laughing. HE IS LAUGHING AT ME! No lie.

I gave Liam a water bottle about a quarter full of water. He's at that phase where he wants to be a big boy and drink out of the same containers we do, without help. So I let him, you know, every once in a while. Its what a good mother does right? I'm supporting his independence. So he's traipsing around the dining room holding that water bottle practically parallel to the ground but so what. Its only water. Then I hear: splat, splash, trickle, drip. I look over and he's dumping the water onto the power supply cord to my laptop. I race over yelling, NO, LIAM, NO. CRAP! I take the bottle from him, and shoo him into the other room. He's looking back at me as he toddles off. As I attempt to unplug the cord sitting in a puddle of water I assume he's out of earshot and I drop an F bomb under my breath. No sooner does that word leave my lips and Liam is right next to me, shaking his hands in front of him in mock frustration. And then he says it, just as I did. Somewhere between a groan and a whisper: "Faaah." Nice mommy, nice.

I had to pick up a few things at the market so I put Liam in the cart and gave him a dumb dumb lollipop. But Liam doesn't just lick the lollipop, he makes love to it. He wont just keep in in his mouth he's got to take it out every few seconds and handle it. He sticks in on his arm, neck, cheek and then he takes it one step too far and puts it in his hair. It gets stuck. We are in the store, I'm trying to pick out a proper pineapple and Liam has a lollipop stuck to his head. Whats worse is that this totally pisses him off. So he pitches the mother of all fits because he was really enjoying that lollipop and now... not so much.

I had just finished cleaning up the kitchen from dinner, Liam was playing with the farm magnets on the fridge and making cow sounds over and over. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was already 8:00 pm, so I casually said "wow Liam, its already bedtime." Without missing a beat he put the magnets back on the fridge and headed for the stairs saying "nigh-nigh." This is the first time he had said "nite-nite" to me and I was overjoyed! Not only because he's using a new word but because he listened to what I said and responded. Amazing.


That, right there, makes all the other struggles, SO worth it.

5 things I learned on my Summer Vacation

1. The weeks leading up to your vacation will move at a snails pace while your vacation days will go whizzing by you so fast your skirt will fly up.

2. I don't hate the south. I just really love the north. More specifically: the mountains in autumn, snow in the winter, being able to spend most of the day outdoors in the summer. For all of these I will sacrifice spring and endure mud season.

3. My skinny jeans and I are thankful that Freihofers Sourdough bread and chocolate chip cookies ARE NOT available in the south. Man did I stuff my face with Freihofers on vacation.

4. I really don't enjoy traveling by car as much as I thought I did. We spent 5 of the the ten vacation days in the car for 5 hours or more. It just feels like a waste of time especially with a bored to screaming with tears toddler in the backseat. From now on I'm flying. Chris and Liam can meet me there.

5. Being with family is salubrious. I NEED these people in my day to day life.

Goodbye at Bog River Falls

"We only part to meet again."

Buying the stairway to a new CD

In 1991 when I was a freshman in high school my parents joined the Columbia House Music Club. They had some new membership deal wherein you buy one selection of your choice and then you get to pick out ten more for just a penny each, plus shipping and handling. My parents intended to expand their classical music collection but I had other ideas. I was tired of having to record my favorite songs off of the radio. On any given night I'd be sitting in my room writing in my journal or cutting out magazine pictures of Andre Agassi or Joe Montana when I would hear the first few notes of a song like Stairway, or fade to black; I would leap from my bed and run to my dual cassette player to press both the record and play buttons simultaneously. The end result was a mix tape full of my favorite songs, all without the opening bars.
So when my parents agreed (after badgering them, almost to their deaths) to me picking out 3 albums I knew they had to be BIG ONES. Ones that I would both enjoy and win "cool points" for should anyone see me loading them into my sony walkman. the yellow one.
After pouring over the Columbia house music catalog for hours I had finally made my selections: Led Zeppelin Four, The Doors Greatest Hits and Rolling Stones Flashpoint. Add them to my Michael Jackson, Madonna and Fine Young Cannibals cassettes and I had quite an eclectic collection.

Relevant Sidebar: Cindy and I actually arranged to buy eachother the FYC tape for Christmas the year before. We both wrapped and put pretty bows on it and when the exchange took place in my kitchen we squealed and hugged each other with an excitement only two silly girls can have on such an occasion. I loved her like the best part of myself. And deep down, though we are on separate coasts and separated by a distance time often delivers, I still do.

Through the years my collection grew and grew and over time with the introduction of the CD, cassettes became obsolete. So then it was barely noticed when one was broken or lost in a move. However, one of the original three managed to stick with me, until today.


Today I say goodbye to my Led Zeppelin Four cassette. The last of its kind. Although the hour of entertainment that old thing gave my boy made it so much less bitter than sweet.

So shines a good deed in a weary world..

This never happens. But sometimes it does.

Tuesday night at Tupelo's is Wine Night. 50% off all bottles of wine. Its a hell of a deal and people pile in through the doors every Tuesday. Last night was no exception. We had a slow start but once we filled up, we stayed that way until the sky opened up and unleashed a huge thunderstorm that caused flash flooding all over our little town. In a matter of minutes Churton Street became a class 4 rapid river. I wished for a raft.

My story begins 40 minutes or so after closing. The restaurant was mostly empty except for a few table campers, folks whom had long since paid their bill and were now just enjoying each others company and conversation. Those of us employed there were buzzing around like bees to a hive, each one knowing exactly our chore. The bartender was stocking the bar, servers were rolling silverware for the following days lunch service and cleaning up the wait station. The kitchen staff had their arms elbow deep in soapy buckets scrubbing chrome and tile while the dishwasher was barricaded in his station by a mound of silverware, stacks of glass racks and dishes. I was wiping down tables and preparing to put the chairs up in the main dining room when I heard a knock on our glass front door. I walked over, curious, and opened the doors to see two women standing before me.

"Can you take two more, Please?" One of the women asked.
"Oh Ladies, I'm sorry, are you here for dinner?"

They both nod at me.

"I'm afraid the kitchen is closed, the grills are off and I'm pretty sure most of the food has been wrapped and put away. But let me run and double check with my manager, please come in and just wait right here a second."


Let me just take a second to explain what an anomaly this is. Not the people showing up after closing; people try to sneak in to eat after closing all the time, and time after time we have to turn them away. Not because we are hateful or lazy but because we are closed, the food had been put away and the employees are now busily doing the hours of work required to prepare for tomorrow and shut down for the night. If you pop your head in at closing or even 5 minutes after closing you'll likely be offered at least salads or appetizers but 40 minutes after closing its a wonder, a flat out oddity that I even considered letting them in. But I did.

So I run to the back and find my manager, I tell her about the ladies at the door and basically ask if we can serve them desserts and coffee a consolation prize, of sorts. She says of course.

When I return to the front of the house to offer the women dessert and coffee they immediately ask: "Can we have dessert and wine?
I smile and say "Of course, did you know its wine night?"

I seat them at one of my tables in the bar area all the while they are thanking me for letting them in. As it turns out they were on their way home to Virginia when the storm hit and decided to pull off the highway and get a hotel room for the night. They opt for a bottle of Chardonnay and a Creme Brulee. They sip their wine and share their Brulee but one of the ladies is visibly upset. Shes crying, quietly, into her napkin while her friend caresses her arm and softly speaks words of comfort. I didn't mean to but as soon as I saw her tears I began to eavesdrop, nonchalantly. She had just lost her brother or her mother, I missed the first syllable. The funeral had been yesterday. and now she was just supposed to go home and go back to work and go on... living. How was she supposed to do that? She didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how she was going to do that either. But I knew she would.
I stood there at the computer and thought about how sensitive I was in the first weeks after my sister's passing. I was weakened by the thought if the world just going on and on without ever stopping to take note of my heartache. My first shift back to work was the most difficult. I had a customer who had ordered a chicken club sandwich with no bacon onion or bun. What came out of the kitchen was a chicken breast with cheese lettuce and tomato, just what she had ordered. Upon seeing her dinner she let out a heavy sigh and looked at me: "This has cheese on it."
"Yes, ma'am. it does."
"I didn't want cheese, didn't I tell you I didn't want cheese?"

She's obviously annoyed with me. She thinks I'm incompetent. I offer to take her plate back and have the kitchen "fix it" when her husband chimes in telling her to just scrape the cheese off. She's poking the chicken breast with her fork contemplating her options and in my head I'm screaming:
ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY, ITS A SLICE OF CHEESE! MY SISTER JUST DIED FROM CANCER AND YOUR GIVING ME A HARD TIME ABOUT A FUCKING SLICE OF CHEESE, IF THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY, SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR DAMN CHICKEN.
Of course this woman had no idea of what I was going through. I like to think if she did she would have adjusted her attitude in some way. And for all I know this woman could have been dealing with some major hardship herself. Maybe that was why she got all ornery over a slice of cheese. Or maybe she just really hates cheese.

The ladies at my table pay their bill and stand to leave. As I'm thanking them I give the grieving woman and knowing sort of half smile. She says "You have been very kind, thank you for not turning us away." It struck me as as quite a coincidence that this woman and her friend ended up in our town, at our restaurant at my table grieving over the loss of her loved one. Maybe it wasn't a coincidence at all. Maybe it was a reminder to treat others tenderly, because you never know what kind of hand their life just dealt them.